So, there you were, yelling at your sons and calling them \u201cbrats\u201d and \u201cliars.\u201d You screamed about how they needed to \u201ctoughen up.\u201d And there I was, dressing after my gym workout. Usually I get my stuff together and just leave, but one of your statements slowed my process down to a crawl. You threatened your boys with physical violence.<\/p>\n
I methodically checked everything in my pockets, even opening my wallet to make sure my license was there, just to consume time \u2014 so your sons felt safe. I made sure they knew I was watching, as subtly as I could<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t know who you were, and still don\u2019t, but, in a way, I do know you. Decades of teaching at the high school and college levels forced me to run into people like you. My doctoral research on trauma psychology made me familiar with your sort of bullying. But this is not what stopped me from getting to my car and to the next appointment of my day.<\/p>\n
You see, a half a century or so ago, I was a boy being yelled at about how I needed to toughen up, by my father, an abusive alcoholic. Rather than \u201ctoughing them up,\u201d what you\u2019ll create are frightened young men who will struggle with issues of trust, poor relationships, low self-confidence, and a feeling of worthlessness. I know. That\u2019s what I\u2019ve battled for most of my adulthood.<\/p>\n
You stormed out before them, and I heard them crying. That broke my heart. I write this not to condemn you, but as a plea: don\u2019t do to them what was done to me. It\u2019s not a life I\u2019d want for anyone, and your boys seemed like good, normal kids to me. Please, change your direction. We don\u2019t need any more anxious men who live behind a fake front of toughness, and our society has to stop seeing violence as a solution.<\/p>\n
Dr. Edward Mooney,
New Castle<\/p>\n