{"id":1312153,"date":"2019-07-06T15:40:00","date_gmt":"2019-07-06T21:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.postindependent.com\/tyree-column-slow-drivers-are-they-driving-you-insane\/"},"modified":"2019-07-06T15:40:00","modified_gmt":"2019-07-06T21:40:00","slug":"tyree-column-slow-drivers-are-they-driving-you-insane","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/local-news\/tyree-column-slow-drivers-are-they-driving-you-insane\/","title":{"rendered":"Tyree column: Slow drivers: Are they driving you insane?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Some people never break the posted speed limit, they gingerly seal it in bubble wrap.<\/p>\n

While lead-footed daredevils announce, \u201cPut the pedal to the metal,\u201d the contrasting lost-in-their-own-little-world \u201chelium-footed\u201d motorists chant the mantra \u201cDo not violate the pedal\u2019s personal space.\u201d<\/p>\n

Honestly, I don\u2019t hate anyone in the whole world, but I can empathize with frustrated motorists who post essays declaring \u201cI Hate Slow Drivers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Most of the writers are kvetching about slowpokes who take up permanent residency in the passing lane of an interstate highway, but I have encountered more than enough sightseers impeding commuters along country roads.<\/p>\n

I know some people like to show up \u201cfashionably late,\u201d but if you\u2019re so slow that you arrive wearing fashions from the previous decade\u2026<\/p>\n

Perhaps timid drivers stay well below the speeds recommended by safety engineers because they think it\u2019s a trap. They envision the engineers sadistically waiting for vehicles traveling 55 miles per hour in a 55 zone to vibrate to pieces. (\u201cLook! They\u2019re burning up on reentry into Podunk. Sweet.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Nervous Nellies act out a \u201cWayne\u2019s World\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re not worthy!\u201d routine when told they have permission to reach a certain speed. They probably also cut the penny in half when instructed \u201cTake a penny, leave a penny\u201d and meekly ask the \u201cfree samples\u201d staffer at the supermarket, \u201cMight I just take the toothpick instead of the bacon-wrapped cocktail wienie?\u201d<\/p>\n

If challenged on their habits, the more self-centered slowpokes get defensive and mutter, \u201cWell, if the speed demons behind me were in such an all-fired hurry, I guess they should have started 10 minutes sooner,\u201d while clearing a place in the glove compartment for their Folksy Humorist of the Year award. These are the blame-the-victim jerks who think Lee Harvey Oswald should never have been arrested. (\u201cIf JFK had arrived in Dallas 10 days before the motorcade, none of this unseemly mess would have happened.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Slowpokes view themselves as exemplars of safe driving, but they don\u2019t recognize when excess becomes wretched. They think driving 10 miles an hour slower than the legal limit is their obligation to mankind, even if they have new tires, new brakes, perfect weather, perfect visibility, a newly paved road and their GUARDIAN ANGEL visibly riding shotgun. (\u201cEvery time a horn honks, an angel gets the finger.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Some daydreaming dawdlers eventually pull over just long enough for the procession behind them to get up to speed. I always give them a smile and a wave for their consideration; but I\u2019m still leery of the guy who motions for me to pass him on a blind curve. (Didn\u2019t I see him on \u201cThe Twilight Zone\u201d?)<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t assume this is an ageist rant. I\u2019ve seen drivers from all generations behave badly. On the other hand, I HAVE gotten a good look at a lot of bumper stickers that read, \u201cGod created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve \u2013 and I know because I was on their bowling team.\u201d<\/p>\n

When struggling to get to work on time, I\u2019ve learned to accept reality, roll with the punches, take a deep breath and go to my Happy Place. Of course, I must always imagine myself going to my Happy Place via HIKING BOOTS.<\/p>\n

I always tell myself that it could be worse: instead of blocking traffic, the jerks could be PARKING on the roadside and producing the next generation of idiots.<\/p>\n

Danny welcomes email responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com<\/a> and visits to his Facebook fan page \u201cTyree\u2019s Tyrades.\u201d<\/p>\n

via:: Post Independent<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some people never break the posted speed limit, they gingerly seal it in bubble wrap. While lead-footed daredevils announce, \u201cPut the pedal to the metal,\u201d the contrasting lost-in-their-own-little-world \u201chelium-footed\u201d motorists chant the mantra \u201cDo not violate the pedal\u2019s personal space.\u201d Honestly, I don\u2019t hate anyone in the whole world, but I can empathize with frustrated […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[160],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1312153","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-20 05:59:43","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSKE Ski Country","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1312153","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1312153"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1312153\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1312153"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1312153"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1312153"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}