{"id":1314526,"date":"2019-09-11T20:52:00","date_gmt":"2019-09-12T02:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.postindependent.com\/how-members-of-congress-spent-their-summer-vacation\/"},"modified":"2019-09-11T20:52:00","modified_gmt":"2019-09-12T02:52:00","slug":"durst-column-how-members-of-congress-spent-their-summer-vacation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/local-news\/durst-column-how-members-of-congress-spent-their-summer-vacation\/","title":{"rendered":"Durst column: How members of Congress spent their summer vacation"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Alert! Alert! This is a test. This is only a test. A test of the Congressional Re-Arrival Warning System. Residents of the District of Colombia should remain on the lookout for male and female politicians walking the streets disguised as normal citizens. Although expert at camouflage, they can be recognized, notably by the crisp lines of their plumage, consisting mostly of dark business suits, but also by the incessant habit of spending every waking hour dialing district donors for dark dirty dollars.<\/p>\n

The second week of September is traditionally when all 535 members of the 116th Congress reconvene, ostensibly refreshed for the arduous 33 days of work scheduled between now and Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n

Caution: Do not approach or attempt to interact with these seemingly mild-mannered bureaucrats, as they are often irritable and unpredictable after spending lengthy periods amongst family and constituents, depending on which vacational ventures were undertaken.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, through a complex network of research grants, internet searches and educated guesses, we here at Durstco were able to determine the recreational activities engaged in by many of America\u2019s movers and shakers these past couple of months and are proud to present them now in a feature we like to call: How they spent their summer vacations.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell went to vocabulary camp, learning how to say \u201cno\u201d in 23 different languages.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Vice President Joe Biden traveled to Switzerland for a charisma implant but, alas, his system rejected it and the donor died.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren binge-watched all eight seasons of Game of Thrones. But didn\u2019t get it.<\/p>\n

\u2022 President Donald Trump managed to bring his golf handicap below his body temperature for the first time since contracting malaria. Malaria, not Melania.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Vice President Mike Pence spent a lot of time being seen reading the Bible in the presence of his wife.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders held a series of mock debates with himself and lost to Kamala Harris every time.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Former Congressman Mark Sanford hiked another Appalachian Trail, where he was hit by a bolt of Republican lightning.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Donald Trump Jr. took a hurricane-tracking course in order to better advise his father.<\/p>\n

\u2022 National Security Advisor John Bolton got his talons sharpened.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Beto O\u2019Rourke spent three weeks in physical therapy learning to talk with his hands stapled to the outside of his thighs.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Wisconsin Congressman James Sensenbrenner achieved higher consciousness after two weeks in an Oneida sweat lodge.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Eric Trump was sent on a month-long snipe hunt by White House handlers.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Andrew Yang practiced casting a reflection in a mirror.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi had a sleep-over at Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez\u2019s house and the two got into a pillow fight resulting in two broken lamps and a quick trip to the emergency room.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Cory Booker added Antonio Brown to his fantasy football team.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Marianne Williamson presented a spirited defense of her Summer League Competitive Yoga title.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Tom Steyer built a phone tree filled with recalcitrant billionaires.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Amy Klobuchar organized sensitivity training retreats in various yurts around northern Minnesota.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Mayor Pete Buttigieg baked and froze a series of casseroles for the South Bend Indiana Police Lodge\u2019s Annual Autumn Pot-Luck Dinner.<\/p>\n

\u2022 And finally, Melania, not malaria, Melania Trump wandered the Northern Mediterranean Coast scoping out possible new rich daddies for Barron.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2019, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comic and former sod farmer in New Berlin, Wisconsin. For a calendar of personal appearances, including his new one-man show, \u201cDurst Case Scenario,\u201d please visit willdurst.com.<\/p>\n

via:: Post Independent<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Alert! Alert! This is a test. This is only a test. A test of the Congressional Re-Arrival Warning System. Residents of the District of Colombia should remain on the lookout for male and female politicians walking the streets disguised as normal citizens. Although expert at camouflage, they can be recognized, notably by the crisp lines […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[160],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1314526","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-25 17:21:07","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSKE Ski Country","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314526","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1314526"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1314526\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1314526"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1314526"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kske\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1314526"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}