{"id":807786,"date":"2020-05-25T13:30:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-25T19:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.summitdaily.com\/?p=383912"},"modified":"2020-05-25T13:30:00","modified_gmt":"2020-05-25T19:30:00","slug":"love-in-the-time-of-covid-19-how-quarantine-is-affecting-couples","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/local-news\/love-in-the-time-of-covid-19-how-quarantine-is-affecting-couples\/","title":{"rendered":"Love in the time of COVID-19: how quarantine is affecting couples"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"wp-block-image p402_hide\">\n<div class=\"caption-container\">\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"643\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.summitdaily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/05\/Screen-Shot-2020-05-25-at-12.21.18-PM.png\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-post-image\" alt srcset=\"https:\/\/cdn.summitdaily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/05\/Screen-Shot-2020-05-25-at-12.21.18-PM.png 643w, https:\/\/cdn.summitdaily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/05\/Screen-Shot-2020-05-25-at-12.21.18-PM-300x168.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 643px) 100vw, 643px\"><\/p><figcaption><strong>As COVID-19 and self-isolation continues, couples are starting to feel the pressure of being together 24\/7.<\/strong><br \/><em>Getty Images<\/em><\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/figure>\n<p>STEAMBOAT SPRINGS \u2014&nbsp;As in the wake of any major life event, explained Steamboat Springs couples counselor Colleen Clark Lay, relationships under COVID-19 are likely to either improve or really suffer.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhatever was underlying comes to the surface,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>Clark Lay gives the example of planning a wedding \u2014 a process that can either result in the eruption of underlying tension or bring about a stronger-than-ever partnership.<\/p>\n<p>But Clark Lay also emphasizes what we are all going through related to the COVID-19 pandemic is totally unprecedented. There are countless studies underway measuring the impacts of COVID-19 on marriage, divorce and birth rates, as well as dating habits and people\u2019s sex lives.<\/p>\n<div class=\"row\">\n<div class=\"col\" readability=\"6\">\n<div class=\"row sd-donation sd-donation-mobile p-0\" readability=\"7\">\n<div class=\"col-xl-4 p-2\">\n<div data-bg=\"url(https:\/\/cdn.summitdaily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/03\/SDN-logo-white-1.png)\" class=\"p-0 mt-2 mb-2 h-75 text-center rocket-lazyload\">\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.summitdaily.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2020\/03\/SDN-logo-white-1.png\" class=\"logo m-0 p-0 invisible\"><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><h3 class=\"d-inline mr-3\">Support Local Journalism<\/h3>\n<p><button class=\"btn d-inline\" type=\"button\" onclick=\"handleDonationButtonClickMidArticle()\">Donate<\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>Most couples are not used to being around each other 24\/7, and most are not accustomed to sudden and dramatic changes in roles \u2014 as breadwinners, as parents, as teachers.<\/p>\n<p>Lives have been upturned, and routines obliterated.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe ways we cope with stress really gets challenged during this time,\u201d Clark Lay said. \u201cRelationships can excel or fall apart.\u201d<\/p>\n<h4>Role reversals and extra stressors<\/h4>\n<p>When many people lost their job, they lost a big part of their identity along with it. They lost their sense of self as a person who goes to work and has a daily role and purpose. They\u2019ve also lost the normal interaction with people who they have a relationship with totally independent from their significant other.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEveryone is having to evolve with there not being a template,\u201d Clark Lay said.<\/p>\n<p>Additional time with loved ones has been described as a silver lining by many people, but it is also possible to have too much of a good thing.<\/p>\n<p>The newness of the situation is long over. But there still isn\u2019t very much definitive to be said about where we are now or what is ahead.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat unknown can be a key overwhelming factor,\u201d Clark Lay said. \u201cEven above and beyond the fatigue.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Coping skills that worked in the past may no longer be effective, she said. And some people are high functioning under immense stress, while others shut down. Due to this, some roles are reversing, with people who were the strong ones in a relationship feeling new vulnerability and people who were more dependent finding new strength.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe presence of external stressors \u2014 such as unemployment, economic hardship and work stress \u2014 create a context in which it is more difficult for partners to be responsive to each other\u2019s needs,\u201d writes Paula Pietromonaco in an article in the Association for Psychological Science.&nbsp;\u201cWhen faced with external stress, individuals are more likely to communicate in ways that are overly critical or argumentative. They also tend to blame their partner and have more difficulty listening to their partner\u2019s concerns and taking their partner\u2019s perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n<h4>Wide-ranging emotions<\/h4>\n<p>What is happening now is taking a toll on even the emotionally healthiest of people, Clark Lay said.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe are all human. People are not one-dimensional. If anyone is presenting as though they are okay and strong beyond belief all the time \u2014 that is really not human,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>For couples with underlying issues, with a relationship that is already stressed, Clark Lay said she usually sees things go in one of two \u2014 polar opposite \u2014 directions.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey can cave under the impacts of all of this or band together and get through,\u201d she explained.<\/p>\n<p>And within a relationship \u2014 and within a 24-hour period \u2014 both those things can be felt, she acknowledged.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOne day, you can hardly stand the site of your partner, and the next day, you are so grateful for each other,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>One thing she hears a lot is couples saying something like, \u201cWe\u2019ve decided to put aside all our differences because we have to survive this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>However, that may not be sustainable, she added. \u201cDoes that mean we are going to address things that are wrong and heal, or does it mean we are going to ignore things that are wrong and just survive?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That immediate survival \u2014 from both a health and financial standpoint \u2014 may simply take priority and shift away prior conflicts, Clark Lay said.<\/p>\n<p>However if a serious issue is ignored, she warned, it isn\u2019t likely to go away.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCouples who are able to maintain good communication and be supportive and responsive to each other throughout the COVID-19 crisis will likely remain together and possibly feel more connected for having weathered the storm,\u201d writes Pietromonaco. \u201cHowever, couples who have difficulty communicating and effectively supporting each other may feel less happy with their marriage and possibly be more likely to separate or divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n<h4>Take a moment<\/h4>\n<p>If you are struggling reach out, Clark Lay advises.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt is okay to ask for help. If you can\u2019t figure it out on your own, there is no shame in that,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>Clark Lay also advises her clients to take time for themselves.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s important to remember that relationships need nurturing. And each individual party needs nurturing,\u201d she explained.<\/p>\n<p>If you are going to run an errand, carve out a few more minutes to just be by yourself, Clark Lay suggests.<\/p>\n<p>If that means shutting yourself in the bathroom for five minutes \u2014 do that, she said. \u201cSelf care is of the utmost importance. If the bathroom is your only option, go in and lock the door. Take a couple minutes to your self.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We aren\u2019t robots, Clark Lay emphasized. We can\u2019t always just keep pushing through.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA relationship is not a machine that will sustain itself \u2014 it needs love, energy, attention and space,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>The primary message, according to Pietromonaco, is \u201calthough couples will face multiple challenges from the COVID-19 pandemic, the stress need not harm their marriage, and many relationships may even grow stronger as a result of overcoming adversity together.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>But Pietromonaco added that some stressors \u2014 especially financial \u2014 are going to be much harder on some couples and families than others.<\/p>\n<p>There is no \u201cone size fits all,\u201d Clark Lay said. \u201cWe are all human, and we are going through something none of us have ever gone through before.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>This story is from the Steamboat Pilot.<\/em> <em class>To reach Kari Dequine Harden, call 970-871-4205, email&nbsp;<a class href=\"mailto:kharden@steamboatpilot.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">kharden@SteamboatPilot.com<\/a>&nbsp;or follow her on Twitter&nbsp;<a class rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/KariHarden\" target=\"_blank\">@kariharden<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.summitdaily.com\/news\/love-in-the-time-of-covid-19-how-quarantine-is-affecting-couples\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">via:: Summit Daily<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As COVID-19 and self-isolation continues, couples are starting to feel the pressure of being together 24\/7.Getty Images STEAMBOAT SPRINGS \u2014&nbsp;As in the wake of any major life event, explained Steamboat Springs couples counselor Colleen Clark Lay, relationships under COVID-19 are likely to either improve or really suffer. \u201cWhatever was underlying comes to the surface,\u201d she [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[99],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-807786","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-07-10 06:41:55","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSMT The Mountain","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/807786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=807786"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/807786\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=807786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=807786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/ksmt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=807786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}