{"id":2441661,"date":"2019-03-13T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-03-13T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=301528"},"modified":"2019-03-13T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-03-13T06:00:00","slug":"sean-beckwith-wet-clothes-hoots-hollers-and-smiles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/sean-beckwith-wet-clothes-hoots-hollers-and-smiles\/","title":{"rendered":"Sean Beckwith: Wet clothes, hoots, hollers and smiles"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Describing this winter would sound a lot like \u201cThe Chris Farley Show.\u201d If you\u2019re not familiar with the decades-old \u201cSaturday Night Live\u201d reference, a sheepish Farley would bring on guests that he idols. He would invite on actors or musicians and ask them if they remember notable highlights from their career, then they\u2019d say \u201cYes\u201d and Farley would respond with \u201cThat was awesome.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eventually, he\u2019d cave in on himself, realizing his questions aren\u2019t very good and say something to the effect of \u201cWhat a dumb question. I\u2019m so stupid.\u201d That\u2019s how I feel writing this column.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re here with one of the best winters of the past decade. Uhh, just some of the greatest snowfall possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks for having me on, Sean.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you for coming on. Hey, um, do you remember last week when we got 22 inches of snow at Highlands on Wednesday and like another 16 inches on Friday?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was awesome. Umm, do you remember when we got a lot of snow but the upper lifts on Snowmass were closed but then they opened them and there was a bunch of snow up there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it was very windy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that was super cool.\u201d<\/p>\n

Regaling the masses with specific lines skied is about as entertaining as a recap of a fantasy football game. One can only show how deep the snow was in relation to their leg with a flat hand so many times. At this point, the snow must be this deep *judo chops knee* before people care how deep your turns were.<\/p>\n

People aren\u2019t just in ski shape, they\u2019re in actual shape. My legs felt like Jell-O so often early in the season that I wish there was an appropriate Bill Cosby joke I could make.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m constantly tired to the point that I should be checked for narcolepsy or mono. Sit me down in any dimly lit room and I\u2019m liable to fall asleep, which is fine when you\u2019re at home watching \u201cTrue Detective\u201d but isn\u2019t ideal in a work setting.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve inhaled so much white powder, I feel like I\u2019m in a season of \u201cNarcos.\u201d The only way I could get a face full of snow last season was by catching a toe edge.<\/p>\n

This season is completely insane and there\u2019s not much more to say other than \u201cThat was awesome.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a concert, there are a couple of songs you can throw out there to relate to readers. With a sporting event, there\u2019s inevitably a highlight or a call to discuss. With a powder day, there\u2019s nothing but wet clothes, hoots, hollers and smiles. Describing how it feels to float down the face of a mountain in bottomless powder will never do the experience justice. It\u2019s like an author detailing a sex scene in depth; we get it, you can describe nipples, now please get back to the story.<\/p>\n

And in this case, the story is \u201cHoly hell, this ski season is euphoric.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eventually during \u201cThe Chris Farley Show,\u201d Paul McCartney, Jeff Daniels or whoever would start to feel bad for the flustered host and try to thoughtfully answer his questions. When Farley would get his best, but still average answer, he\u2019d look at the crowd, point to his guest like they weren\u2019t sitting there and emphatically whisper\/yell\/mouth \u201cAwesome!\u201d with an insane amount of charisma and joy and the patented Farley head bob, leading to laughter and applause.<\/p>\n

I mean, what a terrible column idea to spend 650-plus words praising powder days. Having said that, the majority of my free time for the past three-and-a-half months has been spent on the mountain. I don\u2019t have any other content. My only other feasible column ideas were a review of the first half of Red Dead Redemption 2 or a recap of the municipal election (which could be summed up with a simple cursing-face emoji). So, like Farley\u2019s interview, consider this the best, but still largely average, answer.<\/p>\n

I guess that\u2019s where I\u2019m at in this piece. I\u2019m just pointing at the mountains, in awe of the snowpack, whisper\/yell\/mouthing \u201cAwesome!\u201d \u201cHell yeah!\u201d hoping the audience understands how spectacular my guest subject is. (Applause and laughter, please.)<\/p>\n

Sean Beckwith is a copy editor at The Aspen Times. Email him at sbeckwith@aspentimes.com.<\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Describing this winter would sound a lot like \u201cThe Chris Farley Show.\u201d If you\u2019re not familiar with the decades-old \u201cSaturday Night Live\u201d reference, a sheepish Farley would bring on guests that he idols. He would invite on actors or musicians and ask them if they remember notable highlights from their career, then they\u2019d say \u201cYes\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2441661","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-15 06:28:44","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2441661","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2441661"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2441661\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2441661"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2441661"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2441661"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}