{"id":2443660,"date":"2019-05-02T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-02T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=305018"},"modified":"2019-05-02T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-02T06:00:00","slug":"writing-switch-a-form-of-mad-libs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/writing-switch-a-form-of-mad-libs\/","title":{"rendered":"Writing Switch: A form of Mad Libs"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/figure>\n

Improv! It\u2019s a really funny concept that often ends in really unfunny fashion. If you\u2019re talented and smart enough to excel off the cuff, it\u2019s great, but no one thinks your go-to butter-churning bit is funny. Why would you even go colonial?<\/p>\n

However, this is where we find ourselves after essentially improvising this column idea. It started off as madlibs, but we were too busy listening to bootleg Eminem CDs on family road trips to learn the rules. We switched to picking categories and finished with selecting places\/activities\/people for each other, some bartering included. It is the offseason, after all \u2014 this is the time to tinker\/get weird. So enjoy a night at the improv with the Super Laugh Bros.<\/p>\n

Place: Kemo Sabe \u2022 Activity: Shoplifting<\/p>\n

With: John Denver<\/p>\n

SB: In the early days of Kemo Sabe, John Denver was visiting Aspen. As he was strolling through what would later become his park singing \u201cTake Me Home, Country Roads\u201d because he, too, could never get the song out of his head, an evil wizard from the future popped out of the shrubbery.<\/p>\n

\u201cJohnny D, I\u2019m sorry, man. I don\u2019t have anything personal against you but I can\u2019t handle the \u2018Take Me Home\u2019 sing alongs anymore. I was on Broadway Street in Nashville the other night, and they played it four times at three different bars. I woke up humming it. I\u2019m just going to give you a little jail time to temper that career. Abra cadabra!\u201d<\/p>\n

Upon walking into Kemo Sabe, possessed by the wizard, John Denver slipped a couple high-end handkerchiefs into his back pocket. A man in the back corner walked up to John Denver, leaned up to him and whispered, \u201cAgent Michael Scarn. Stick \u2019em up. I\u2019m holding a gun.\u201d<\/p>\n

Using his lone improv tactic, Agent Scarn unknowingly preempted a career-ending robbery and him and John Denver went on to defeat the wizard and everyone sang \u201cTake Me Home, Country Roads.\u201d<\/p>\n

Place: Aspen jail \u2022 Activity: Brewing toilet alcohol<\/p>\n

With: Lance Armstrong<\/p>\n

BW: The guy who (allegedly) held people at gunpoint on Independence Pass stormed into Shaun\u2019s cell. Braden threw a Power Rangers pillow at Shaun\u2019s head, missing but knocking over his McDonald\u2019s bag. Shaun lurched out of the cot.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t need to ferment that long!\u201d Braden screamed, pulling a smartphone out of his rectum. \u201cDo I need to make a call?\u201d He waved the device inches from Shaun, who recoiled either in fear of its pungent aroma or the repercussions of a message to Don Tony Chachere.<\/p>\n

Shaun had arrived at the Aspen city jail seven hours ago on suspicion of drinking at the Colorado Mountain College disc golf course. Now the inmates were in a frenzy as his urine potentially still contained the alcoholic contents of those four Modelos \u2014 even though he has to pee very frequently \u2014 and boy were they thirsty.<\/p>\n

Shaun stirred a thermometer around the bowl, and it read 78 degrees; the gluten should be fermenting nicely. \u201cIt\u2019s almost ready,\u201d he mumbled.<\/p>\n

Suddenly the cell block went quiet. A whirring, or maybe a humming, approached. Lance Armstrong dismounted and entered the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cI need fresh piss,\u201d he barked, grabbing a mason jar from the windowsill that overlooks the Rio Grande.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut that\u2019s my starter!\u201d Shaun objected. \u201cAlso, I wouldn\u2019t call it fresh.\u201d<\/p>\n

Armstrong growled, took off his Livestrong bracelet and snapped Shaun across the nipple. Shaun winced and let out a small cry.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Aspen 5K Turkey Trot is tomorrow and I will NOT be embarrassed again,\u201d Armstrong sneered, giving the jar a shake and taking a swig before storming out.<\/p>\n

Shaun stared back into the toilet bowl. Only one pint, for all these co-mingling men and women, was left until the judge returns Monday to grant parole.<\/p>\n

Place: Lobby of The Little Nell \u2022 Activity: Protesting<\/p>\n

With: Angry parents<\/p>\n

SB: Jan, upon hearing that The Little Nell was hosting a social media star conference, flooded into the lobby of the hotel in protest with other parents.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know how depressing it is for your child to be part of the Lo-Gang,\u201d one parent shouted.<\/p>\n

Another lady shrieked, \u201cThink of the children!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jan decided to take out her phone to tape the protest so she could put it on Facebook. When she finally got the camera app pulled up, it was the perfect time.<\/p>\n

The crowd started chanting, \u201cRights not likes! Rights not likes! Rights not likes!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jan, confused, turned to the enthused parent next to her and asked, \u201cWhat rights are we lobbying for?\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman, drunk with rage, turned and yelled, \u201cI don\u2019t know but it rhymes!\u201d<\/p>\n

She then wheeled back in the crowd and screamed, \u201cLet\u2019s go viral!\u201d<\/p>\n

It was at that moment Jan realized that not only are these people idiots but she was still recording. She proceeded to slink out, unnoticed and slightly ashamed, but smiled as she uploaded the video to Facebook; a viral moment achieved.<\/p>\n

Place: Rubey Park Transit Center \u2022 Activity: Visitng the lost and found \u2022 With: A street performer<\/p>\n

BW: The ride back into Aspen from Snowmass was bumpier than usual, and I anxiously watched as my snowboard bobbled and jostled in the bus\u2019s ski rack next to a broomstick.<\/p>\n

Its presumed owner was sitting right across from me on the parallel seats at the back of the bus, while a frog occasionally burped inside his pocket and his hat kept yelling \u201cGRYFFINDOR!\u201d He smiled, unblinking, through half-moon glasses and a disgustingly soggy weepy eye.<\/p>\n

The bus hit a pothole near the Castle Creek turnoff. As a tear was jostled onto his cheek I saw the broomstick dislodge from its holster and abscond into the center of the roundabout.<\/p>\n

\u201cPick a card,\u201d Dumbledore instructed, oblivious to the turn of events, holding out in front of me a Magic the Gathering deck. I made a selection. It said \u201cCharizard.\u201d The rest of the cards burst into flame and a baby Charmander crawled out of the ashes.<\/p>\n

We disembarked at the transit center and I heard him say \u201cOh, dear. It appears I\u2019ve lost my broomstick\u201d to a ticket attendant in a voice that was like a bad Richard Harris impersonation. He felt around his two robe pockets and I wondered briefly if he was wearing anything underneath. \u201cNo matter,\u201d he wheezed before drawing a large Slim Jim from his sleeve and stumbling down the path toward the Escobar patio.<\/p>\n

Place: Dispensary \u2022 Activity: Trying out products<\/p>\n

With: City officials<\/p>\n

SB: After a contentious City Council meeting, elected officials went out to look for a way to let off some stress. They couldn\u2019t find a restaurant that was open during offseason, so they decided to go to the dispensary.<\/p>\n

After showing their IDs, everyone but Steve Skadron \u2014 he forgot his ID \u2014 walked up to the display case.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, what are we looking for today?\u201d the budtender asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cCannabis,\u201d Bert Myrin responded.<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, we have indica, sativa, hybrid, edibles, wax, shatters, oils, caviar, THC sodas, CBD sodas, dabs and a few other things. What are you thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOhhh, dabs sound fun,\u201d Rachel Richards responded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take two CBD sodas,\u201d Ward Hauenstein followed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I\u2019ll go \u2026 caviar,\u201d Ann Mullins said.<\/p>\n

After completing their purchase, the City Council members walked out to tune of \u201cElectric Avenue.\u201d They then snuck off into a nearby alley and started to try their goods.<\/p>\n

Richards wielded her blowtorch, Ward chugged his sodas, Bert sparked a joint and Ann ate her caviar. A few minutes later, Rachel wondered off in search of chicken wings, Bert started in on a 45-minute paranoid rant about development, Steve Skadron listened because that was the only way he could hit the joint and Ward kept going on about how high he was.<\/p>\n

It was at this moment Sheriff Joe DiSalvo walked by.<\/p>\n

\u201cGuys, how many times do I have to tell you not in public? You have homes. Goddamn it. You let Ann eat caviar again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Place: Glory Hole Park \u2022 Activity: Swinging With: Rich old guy<\/p>\n

BW: The murderous half moon rose like a clipped toenail being vacuumed from behind the couch. Bestern West wiped the snot from his brow as he moved to inspect the next tree. The name plate had been stolen years ago, now hanging in some ski bum\u2019s subsidized apartment next to neighborhood watch and mile marker 420 signs. According to an old Google Maps printout, though, he knew he was in Glory Hole Park.<\/p>\n

A port-a-potty once sat here, West thought to himself while running his fingers through a 6-by-6-foot square of dead grass. He examined a trampled spot in the shape of a pair of boots to its immediate right. That\u2019s when West heard the squeak of swinging.<\/p>\n

Glory Hole was a park, sure, but never a playground. Children didn\u2019t climb the monkey bars here; couples with stale bread loaves harassed ducks, people too scared of the indoors read their Kindles and a red-haired townie named Dirty Dan took his smoke breaks with a new girl on a V8 visa every Thursday at noon.<\/p>\n

Bestern screamed in surprise when a naked man wearing a crown tapped him on the shoulder. \u201cWill you \u2018old the camera, luv?\u201d He followed the grinning crowned man into an enclave with \u201cFort Toad\u201d above it.<\/p>\n

Inside, pairs of men and women \u2014 some lovers, some siblings, some strangers \u2014 straddled each other atop monolithic A-frames. Their chains groaned and rubber seats squeaked as they swong back and forth with a velocity that sliced through the air.<\/p>\n

With a holler, a couple suddenly ejected, making 1440 tomahawk fakie backgrips and landing in the sand pits provided.<\/p>\n

The crowned man leaned into Bestern\u2019s ear, discreetly handed him an Ikon Pass and whispered, \u201cI know absolutely none of this makes sense right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Improv! It\u2019s a really funny concept that often ends in really unfunny fashion. If you\u2019re talented and smart enough to excel off the cuff, it\u2019s great, but no one thinks your go-to butter-churning bit is funny. Why would you even go colonial? However, this is where we find ourselves after essentially improvising this column idea. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2443660","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-17 14:37:46","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2443660","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2443660"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2443660\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2443660"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2443660"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2443660"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}