{"id":2444147,"date":"2019-05-13T21:36:01","date_gmt":"2019-05-14T03:36:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/news\/she-said-he-said-is-she-faking-it-maybe-but-dont-freak-out-fellas\/"},"modified":"2019-05-14T11:15:17","modified_gmt":"2019-05-14T17:15:17","slug":"she-said-he-said-is-she-faking-it-maybe-but-dont-freak-out-fellas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/she-said-he-said-is-she-faking-it-maybe-but-dont-freak-out-fellas\/","title":{"rendered":"She Said, He Said: Is she \u2018faking\u2019 it? Maybe. But don\u2019t freak out, fellas"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/figure>\n

Dear Lori and Jeff,<\/span><\/p>\n

My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years and most things seem to be going well except that I can\u2019t really tell if she still enjoys having sex with me. I\u2019ve tried to ask her if there are any problems or things she would like me to do differently and she sort of shrugs off my questions by saying that everything\u2019s good. I\u2019m worried she\u2019s resigned herself to the fact that it\u2019s just good enough. My biggest concern is that she may be faking her enjoyment of sex with me. Is this something women do?<\/p>\n

Signed,<\/p>\n

Questioning What\u2019s Real<\/p>\n

Dear Questioning,<\/span><\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff: The short answer is sometimes, but don\u2019t worry just yet. Men being surprised (and sometimes hurt) that women fake orgasm is a very prevalent theme in our culture. There\u2019s the great \u201cSeinfeld\u201d episode where Jerry is shocked to find out that, when he and Elaine dated, she regularly faked it. And there\u2019s the well-known diner scene in \u201cWhen Harry Met Sally\u201d where Sally\u2019s orgasmic theatrics convince Harry to reconsider his belief that no woman has ever faked with him.<\/p>\n

Jeff: To quell your concerns even more, it might be helpful to know that men also fake orgasm. Studies show it happens less than half of the time it does with women, but it still happens. The fact that men fake orgasm gets a lot less attention because men tend to worry more about their partners faking orgasm than women do. For us men, climaxing is almost always the end goal of having sex, so it holds more weight. We assume it\u2019s the same with our female partners (it isn\u2019t), so we are hyper-focused on whether they have the big \u201cO,\u201d and are more negatively impacted if they don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Men also tend to attach more of their sense of confidence and masculinity to external events and experiences, so there\u2019s more at stake when it comes to whether we can satisfy our partners. There\u2019s also the belief that the better we are as lovers, the less chance there is for our partners to stray. This all may have a negative repercussion, however. Pressuring our partners to \u201cenjoy\u201d sex, so that it may better reflect upon our own sense of worth, might be encouraging women to fake it more often.<\/p>\n

Lori: OK men, deep breath. Research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2010 indicated that about 80% of women fake orgasm about half the time that they are unable to climax. But much more importantly than the numbers is the why. The main reason for fictitious \u201coohs\u201d and \u201caahs\u201d is actually encouragement. Women know that most men are goal-directed between the sheets. They want to please and often don\u2019t want to stop until the task is completed. Women, on the other hand, know that a true firework finale is sometimes mission impossible. Faking is a way of letting you off the hook without you putting your performance into question. Women don\u2019t want a 5K to turn into a marathon when they know there\u2019s no way to cross the finish line. But they also don\u2019t want to sour the experience for their partner. The fact that a woman has faked also does not mean that she didn\u2019t enjoy the connection and pleasure of being intimate. Ultimately it\u2019s the woman\u2019s responsibility to determine the type of experience she wants to have in any given encounter. And, (ladies listen up!) if she wants more from your sex life together, it\u2019s on her to show you how.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff: If you\u2019re concerned she\u2019s faking, you have a couple of options. First, you can continue to ask for feedback in the moment about how to get more dialed in to her. Second, consider giving her an out. You can let her know it\u2019s OK if she can\u2019t get there, but to do so, you may have to put aside your ego. Focus on enjoying intimacy as a journey together rather than trying to be a stud that sends her into orbit.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff are married, licensed psychotherapists and couple-to-couple coaches at Aspen Relationship Institute. Submit your relationship questions to info@AspenRelationshipCoaching.com<\/a> and your query may be selected for a future column.<\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Lori and Jeff, My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years and most things seem to be going well except that I can\u2019t really tell if she still enjoys having sex with me. I\u2019ve tried to ask her if there are any problems or things she would like me to do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2444147","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-18 05:00:08","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2444147","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2444147"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2444147\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2444147"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2444147"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2444147"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}