{"id":2444654,"date":"2019-05-27T22:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-28T04:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/news\/she-said-he-said-4\/"},"modified":"2019-05-27T22:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-28T04:00:00","slug":"she-said-he-said-stop-dabbling-in-relationships-and-start-committing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/she-said-he-said-stop-dabbling-in-relationships-and-start-committing\/","title":{"rendered":"She Said, He Said: Stop dabbling in relationships and start committing"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/figure>\n

Dear Lori and Jeff,<\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t seem to find the right guy. I\u2019ve dated some really great men but after about six months, I realize they aren\u2019t the one. Most of my friends are already married and say that I\u2019m too picky but I know what I want and feel as though I should keep looking until I find it. The only problem is that I feel like I\u2019m running out of time. What should I do?<\/p>\n

Signed,<\/p>\n

Possibly Too Picky<\/p>\n

Dear PTP,<\/span><\/p>\n

Jeff: First, let\u2019s address your belief that there\u2019s someone out there who\u2019s your perfect match. Columnist Dan Savage says that the idea of \u201cthe one\u201d is a myth and destructive lie. The best we\u2019re going to find out there is a 0.64 and it\u2019s your job to round them up to \u201cthe one\u201d (and hope they can round you up, too, because you\u2019re not their \u201cone\u201d either). This is a gift you are giving to each other because what you value and love about the 0.64 part of them is enough to build from.<\/p>\n

Second, we\u2019re curious if you might be a relationship dabbler. With the current explosion of digital technology, it\u2019s never been easier to switch jobs, move from place to place and to find love (or at least a hook-up). We\u2019ve become a culture of dabblers, where once something becomes more work than reward, we label it as the \u201cwrong job\u201d or the \u201cwrong guy\u201d and move on to the next new, shiny thing. Relationships have begun to bear the brunt of these trends in alarming ways. We all know how amazing new love can feel and how little work it seems to take to get in sync with our partners but as soon as the honeymoon is over and things start to take more effort to figure out, resolve or accept, we begin to question whether or not they\u2019re the \u201cright one\u201d for us. It\u2019s become more common to bail on a relationship \u2014 knowing how easy it is to find new options \u2014 than it has to stick it out and put in the work.<\/p>\n

Lori: On one hand, I admire your resolve in not compromising. On the other, your pattern of cycling through relationships makes me wonder if you actually know what you want. I encourage my single clients to make a list of the top five to seven non-negotiable characteristics they need in a partner, and to not start relationships with anyone who doesn\u2019t fit the list. Dabblers often don\u2019t have a clear sense of what they need, or have a list that they continuously change based on what they are wanting in any given moment. What are you looking for in a partner? Is it someone who complements your personality, lifestyle and goals, or someone who you believe will complete your world by filling in the spaces of uncertainty that you have about yourself.<\/p>\n

If your list of needs for a mate is a dozen deep, you may need to take an honest look at whether you\u2019re avoiding your own work by trying to pawn it off on a partner. Relationships that seem to have that special magic aren\u2019t fairy tales come true \u2014 they\u2019re the result of two partners working on loving with conviction. To be all-in in this way requires having awareness of your own shortcomings, motivation to continue finding your best self, and enough confidence within you to allow your partner to be imperfect.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff: There\u2019s a power in mastery \u2014 especially in relationships \u2014 but not many people make it there. Because they aren\u2019t committed, they dabble with partner after partner. They\u2019re searching for the quick fix and never get to the place where deep love and connection lives. Coaching guru Tony Robbins says an intimate relationship is one of only half a dozen or so things in life that really matter. It\u2019s where the most juice in life comes from and is worth mastering instead of dabbling.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff are married, licensed psychotherapists and couple-to-couple coaches at Aspen Relationship Institute. Submit your relationship questions to info@AspenRelationshipCoaching.com<\/a> and your query may be selected for a future column.<\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Lori and Jeff, I can\u2019t seem to find the right guy. I\u2019ve dated some really great men but after about six months, I realize they aren\u2019t the one. Most of my friends are already married and say that I\u2019m too picky but I know what I want and feel as though I should keep […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2444654","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-18 21:04:40","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2444654","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2444654"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2444654\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2444654"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2444654"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2444654"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}