{"id":2445779,"date":"2019-06-27T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-06-27T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=308555"},"modified":"2019-06-27T10:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-06-27T16:00:00","slug":"how-neanderthals-spend-a-sunny-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/how-neanderthals-spend-a-sunny-day\/","title":{"rendered":"How neanderthals spend a sunny day"},"content":{"rendered":"

BW:<\/strong> When I moved out of my airy, \u200bbright studio and upgraded to a subterranean one-bedroom hermit hole with an obnoxiously creaky bedframe, so too went recognition of the weather outside and quite frankly the motivation to participate in any of it. Bluebird days that were once filled with thoughts of \u201cI\u2019m going on a hike!\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll read a book on a park bench!\u201d are now consumed by getting day drunk, scrolling incessantly through r\/NSFW and ordering shorts on Amazon with increasingly larger waistbands.<\/p>\n

With so many \u201cnice\u201d days per year, you can\u2019t possibly be expected to remain active for all of them. Here\u2019s our recommendations for taking advantage of sunny weather wit ya boyz:<\/p>\n

Play Video games<\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Nothing wastes a day off like throwing down virtual alley-oops. Theoretically, one could play actual hoops, but who wants to go 8-for-30 in a game of HORSE when you can go 21-for-30 against the Warriors. At least MVP-in-training Freddy Floater\u2019s growth is measurable. I\u2019ve been getting up shots recently and the only progress I can tangibly track is the erosion of my sneakers.<\/p>\n

Planting yourself on the couch next to your roommate\u2019s obese cat with a healthy supply of beer and a freshly made frozen pizza is enough impetus to kill an afternoon, if not longer. Fats needs the company and celebratory belly rubs anyway.<\/p>\n

If you really want to up the sun aversion, go to Dave and Busters and lock yourself in there until you forget what natural light feels like. It\u2019s like a casino for people who prefer trinkets to cash. And nothing says \u201cheart disease\u201d quite like dropping $50 to play arcade games, drink domestic draughts and eat generic bar food that makes Applebee\u2019s taste like Ajax Tavern.<\/p>\n

READ A BOOK<\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Hahaha \u2014 yeah right.<\/p>\n

Endlessly scroll social media<\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Why would you want to read a carefully crafted narrative when you can ingest every impulsive thought from friends and random people online? When someone says, \u201cThe author of these tweets,\u201d they might as well call the guy on the other end of the McDonald\u2019s drive-thru \u201cchef\u201d because vomiting up a hot take is to writing what microwaving a beef patty is to cooking.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to get caught up in a 200-plus-page book when there are millions of people offering up 200-plus characters on an animal doing something funny, Jordan versus LeBron, a Marvel movie trailer, Donald Trump, Beyonce the queen, etc. Instagram is even easier because it\u2019s the picture book of social media. That looks like fun, let me read the caption: Heart emoji, sun emoji, bathing suit emoji, cocktail emoji, #poollife. People don\u2019t even write out sentences anymore; it\u2019s like we\u2019ve regressed back to hieroglyphics.<\/p>\n

After a couple of hours you\u2019ll start to get that \u201cYou\u2019re all caught up\u201d checkmark and the tweets will slow to a trickle. Then, maybe, you can click on that article that looked interesting and follow through so the next time you talk about sports you\u2019ll be informed instead of regurgitating the most out-of-context segment the aggregators selected for you. Or perhaps read a book to relieve the strain of six-straight hours of screen time.<\/p>\n

Watch terrible shows on Netflix<\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Raise your hand if you spend more time looking for something to watch on Netflix than actually watching Netflix. Everyone immediately watches the good movies when they become available. When you really want to embrace your inner pile, hop on Netflix and watch those B action movies. Your \u201c2 Fast, 2 Furious\u2019,\u201d your \u201cVan Helsings\u201d and \u201cDeath Race 2s\u201d of the movie world. You could even try original Netflix programming if you get really desperate.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure this equally applies to certain aspects of flicks for the ladies.<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm \u2026 Mindy Kaling \u2026 RomCom \u2026 actor who I don\u2019t know but he\u2019s cute \u2026 and she works a job that I wished I had \u2026 OK, I\u2019m in.\u201d<\/p>\n

I can see now why network television and studio execs make so much money. They have to sift through a gagillion terrible shows\/movies and hope the one they pick is good, as opposed to Netflix, who just blindly fires off programming hoping they hit someone\u2019s niche or a washed actor can still deliver one-liners.<\/p>\n

So spend your day with Nicholas Cage while he tries to atone for that dinosaur-bone-related bankruptcy. You might just find something good enough to keep you off your phone.<\/p>\n

Live like a rock lobster<\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> I like to dedicate at least one of my days off to speaking with no one for 24 hours except the liquor store clerk. These are the days when I tell myself I\u2019ll pay my bills and catch up on chores. I\u2019m big into taxidermy, so a lot of time goes into dusting off my jackalope and polishing the one-eyed gopher.<\/p>\n

Maybe I\u2019ll visit the dentist or get a physical, I don\u2019t know. I hate how the nurses interrogate you every time you go in for a check-up: \u201cDo you remember your last drink?\u201d \u201cNo, I was blacked out.\u201d \u201cDo you have any allergies?\u201d Answer honestly and they\u2019ll try to stick you in a home or say you\u2019re a candidate for further medical research. Nah, I\u2019d rather fire up the janky online casino app and look for a sit-n-go.<\/p>\n

Do you think you\u2019re good at poker? Doesn\u2019t matter. The RNGesus that presides over the smattering of offshore internet gambling options will produce cards in miraculous combinations to either make you rich or desperate enough for money that you\u2019re puking a bottle of Goldschlager through a strainer and sifting for the flakes.<\/p>\n

At its core, gambling is all about the endorphins and begindorphins coursing through your body when you flop a straight, go all in, and are defeated by runner-runner 8-4 offsuit full house. Shit that reminds me I need to pay my car insurance.<\/p>\n

I have a penchant for multi-tasking but my attention span is wrecked thanks to two televisions and Verizon\u2019s unlimited data plan. So any time I try to relax and read for fun or otherwise, um, putz around on my computer, well, why not also gather over a virtual deck of cards along with what are likely two real players and a handful of bots? By the time I bust out, I\u2019ve sat around in my boxers half the afternoon and have nothing to show for it \u2014 that goes for poker and putzing. At least I didn\u2019t drive all the way to Cripple Creek to play at a real casino.<\/p>\n

At this exact moment the sun hits that point in the sky where a single ray is able to penetrate the sides of my closed blinds and highlight the dust on my monitor and the gunk in my keyboard \u2014 a message from RNGesus himself. I hope my Chevy Cavalier that\u2019s never gotten any scheduled maintenance is ready for another Formula 1 trip up and over Indy Pass and across the plains to The Brass Ass. I should rotate the tires or something; that car is old enough to vote.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m lucky, I\u2019m able to convince myself on the walk to the ATM that my $200 allowance would be better spent on something else, like NBA2K19 loot boxes or six more months of Tinder Premium. I ultimately decide a night of falling asleep to \u201cDr. Pimple Popper\u201d and swiping seems like the path of least resistance.<\/p>\n

After all, what\u2019s the worst that can happen? You match with a girl and date her for four months before she makes you watch her houseplants while she goes on vacation to Central America, meets a surf instructor and ghosts you as they wrangle with the feasibility of tourist visas? Anyone can recover from that, I think. I hope. The plants won\u2019t, that\u2019s for sure.<\/p>\n

sbeckwith@aspentimes.com<\/a> and bwelch@aspentimes.com<\/a><\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BW: When I moved out of my airy, \u200bbright studio and upgraded to a subterranean one-bedroom hermit hole with an obnoxiously creaky bedframe, so too went recognition of the weather outside and quite frankly the motivation to participate in any of it. Bluebird days that were once filled with thoughts of \u201cI\u2019m going on a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2445779","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-20 11:22:55","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2445779","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2445779"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2445779\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2445779"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2445779"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2445779"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}