{"id":2446122,"date":"2019-07-08T21:52:00","date_gmt":"2019-07-09T03:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/news\/she-said-he-said-theres-no-mandate-to-impregnate-have-kids-when-youre-ready-not-your-parents\/"},"modified":"2019-07-08T21:52:00","modified_gmt":"2019-07-09T03:52:00","slug":"she-said-he-said-theres-no-mandate-to-impregnate-have-kids-when-youre-ready-not-your-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/she-said-he-said-theres-no-mandate-to-impregnate-have-kids-when-youre-ready-not-your-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"She Said, He Said: There\u2019s no mandate to impregnate; have kids when you\u2019re ready, not your parents"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Jeff and Lori,<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife and I are in our early 30s and everyone thinks we should be working on getting pregnant except for me. Our parents are constantly bringing up how much they want grandbabies, and starting to scare my wife about \u201cwaiting too long.\u201d She has recently said she\u2019s ready to start trying, but as much as I love her, I\u2019m not sure she\u2019s ready to be a mom. She loves her freedom of coming and going, staying out at night and sleeping in late, and hates doing housework. I\u2019m worried if we have a kid, all the responsibility will fall on me. She says she\u2019ll change when we get pregnant, but I\u2019m not so sure. How do I get everyone to slow down?<\/p>\n

Signed,<\/p>\n

Not Ready to be a Dad<\/p>\n

Jeff: I think the more important question is whether you are ready to have kids. If you are, this might be more of a trust issue with your wife \u2014 she says she\u2019ll change but you don\u2019t believe her. Has she let you down by not living up to her word before? Is this a deeper issue between the two of you that needs to be addressed before you take the plunge into parenthood?<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not ready, then stop projecting your resistance and hesitancy onto your wife as a way to drag your feet until you are ready. With a kid, your life will certainly change and you will be saddled with a lot more responsibility, even with the equal participation of your wife. Trusting that she will step up and take on her share of the burden will do wonders for your relationship. Your doubt and ambivalence in her ability to show up could be the start to a cyclone that will erode your marriage from the inside out.<\/p>\n

While the question of whether you\u2019re ready to have kids may not be an easy one to answer, especially with all the external pressure, being honest with yourself will give you a much clearer picture of the overall dynamic and help you decide.<\/p>\n

Lori: Step one: Breathe. It sounds as though everyone in the family is really good at advocating for their wants, except perhaps you. Don\u2019t let their desires and excitement be seen as anything but that \u2014 there\u2019s no mandate for you to impregnate. Step two: Explore what\u2019s really driving her to want a baby now. The reality is that it can be really hard for women in their late 20s and 30s to navigate the social expectations and \u201cticking clock\u201d associated with becoming a mom. Not only is she feeling pressure from her and your parents, but she likely also has close friends starting families. Many men don\u2019t realize how women\u2019s friendships are affected when babies enter the picture. When women have kids concurrently, there\u2019s immense bonding over the journey of parenting together, but when you\u2019re babe-less in a group of mom friends, it\u2019s easy to feel left behind. Help her explore \u201cWhy now?\u201d Step three: Decide what you need to feel confident in starting a family. Create a three-month trial run of a baby-focused routine and see how each of you manage. This isn\u2019t a test she can pass or fail, but rather a way for both of you to know where you excel and where you may need more time or effort to prepare.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff: You both need to get on the same page about the timing and readiness to have a kid so that you can weather the storm of pressure put on you by your collective want-to-be-grandparents.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff are married, licensed psychotherapists and couple-to-couple coaches at Aspen Relationship Institute. Submit your relationship questions to info@AspenRelationshipCoaching.com<\/a> and your query may be selected for a future column.<\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Jeff and Lori, My wife and I are in our early 30s and everyone thinks we should be working on getting pregnant except for me. Our parents are constantly bringing up how much they want grandbabies, and starting to scare my wife about \u201cwaiting too long.\u201d She has recently said she\u2019s ready to start […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2446122","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-local-news"],"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-08-20 22:02:46","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2446122","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2446122"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2446122\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2446122"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2446122"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2446122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}