{"id":2447240,"date":"2019-08-06T22:56:00","date_gmt":"2019-08-07T04:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/news\/sean-beckwith-tipping-the-bro-scales\/"},"modified":"2019-08-06T22:56:00","modified_gmt":"2019-08-07T04:56:00","slug":"sean-beckwith-tipping-the-bro-scales","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/sean-beckwith-tipping-the-bro-scales\/","title":{"rendered":"Sean Beckwith: Tipping the bro scales"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In the land of the bros, the bro who sends hardest is king. However, if you\u2019re a regular person who wants to know, \u201cShould I try that activity?\u201d as it relates to enjoying your vacation without a stay at the Aspen Valley Hospital, here is the Bro Scale.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re confused as to what a bro is, it\u2019s a person who craves adrenaline. There are other factors that contribute to being a bro like is your favorite artist a DJ, do you abbreviate words unnecessarily and do you own multiple neon-colored outfits? For an older point of reference, think Patrick Swayze in \u201cPoint Break.\u201d For a contemporary one, think whoever played Patrick Swayze in the remake of \u201cPoint Break.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are three factors that go into the Bro Scale, and they are:<\/p>\n

Risk of injury \u2014 How dangerous is the activity? The more dangerous, the better.<\/p>\n

0-60 \u2014 How long does it take to reach maximum adrenaline? The faster, the better.<\/p>\n

Aesthetics \u2014 How cool do you look doing the activity? The cooler, the better.<\/p>\n

Each activity will be graded on a scale of 0-5 Bros after taking into account the above criteria, with 5 Bros being the maximum score.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll keep the bromenclature to a minimum because sush instead of sushi is not a real thing people shorten and this is a respectable publication.<\/p>\n

Wheels<\/p>\n

Cycling: 2 Bros<\/p>\n

While the risk of injury is higher than you\u2019d think, pedaling up Independence Pass before getting to open it up on the way down is a long endeavor. Even with the thrill of the descent, shoving yourself into butt-padded spandex and an aerodynamic helmet is not a particularly flattering look.<\/p>\n

Mountain biking: 3.5 Bros<\/p>\n

While mountain biking certainly can be done safely, the way of the bro is to look at something and squeeze every last drop of amplitude out of it. Aspen and the Roaring Fork Valley have trails for all levels with plenty of options to go big or get technical. Mountain bikers also don\u2019t sport form-fitting clothing.<\/p>\n

Downhill mountain biking: 4 Bros<\/p>\n

The difference between downhill mountain biking and mountain biking is how fast your stomach drops, giving you that \u201cI almost got in a car wreck\u201d feeling. One can take the gondola up Aspen Mountain and ride down or enjoy lift-served riding in Snowmass. And nothing says risk of bodily harm or badass like full-face helmets and body armor.<\/p>\n

Water<\/p>\n

Rafting: 2.5 Bros<\/p>\n

There\u2019s plenty of white water in the area and you can certainly hire a rafting guide to show you a good time. Bros don\u2019t hire guides; they are the guides. If little Timmy can do it, and you can be seen on a raft with little Timmy doing it, you probably don\u2019t look that cool. Like mountain biking, though, you can go pretty bro if you choose the right river route.<\/p>\n

Stand-up paddleboarding: 3 Bros<\/p>\n

SUP-ing is like EDM: a trend born within this decade that is easily abbreviated and is probably overrated. That said, using a board \u2014 whether it\u2019s a snowboard, skateboard, surfboard, wakeboard, etc. \u2014 always looks the best, and a stand-up paddleboard qualifies. The downsides are finding rapids that won\u2019t throw you off your vessel and learning to balance. Skateboard and snowboard skills don\u2019t translate as easily as you\u2019d think.<\/p>\n

Kayaking: 3.5 Bros<\/p>\n

Being required to learn a maneuver \u2014 rolling your kayak \u2014 in order to avoid drowning screams danger, so high marks there. The difference between this and the two other water activities is you can reach peak adrenaline the quickest because you don\u2019t have to worry about paddle partners or tricky balancing. Taking on the river solo in a craft that can handle everything also features very bro optics.<\/p>\n

Mountaineering<\/p>\n

Hiking: 1 Bro<\/p>\n

People enjoy hiking because it\u2019s relaxing, the views are great and it\u2019s relatively safe. Bros don\u2019t like hiking for those exact reasons. There\u2019s no speed, no rush, no swagger. There\u2019s also the prerequisite that you have to tuck in your shirt. Add hiking poles and you\u2019re lucky to even get one bro. The only saving grace is posting your fourteener cardboard picture to Instagram.<\/p>\n

Climbing: 3 Bros<\/p>\n

Scaling mountains with seasoned climbers, the correct safety equipment and the right amount of precaution has proven to be safe, but that still doesn\u2019t mean the average person is going to put their trust in a couple carabiners, some rope and a harness. It may be a slow climb to reach the top but rappelling is something SWAT teams do, so, yeah, very cool.<\/p>\n

Free soloing: 5 Bros<\/p>\n

It can\u2019t be stressed enough how dangerous this is. Just because you saw the movie \u201cFree Solo,\u201d which is to bros what \u201cCatcher in the Rye\u201d is to disaffected teenagers, does not mean you should ever consider climbing without equipment. Depending on your pension for vertigo, your blood probably starts pumping as soon as you look down from an uncomfortable height. But you will look cool for as long as you\u2019re alive.<\/p>\n

Sean Beckwith is a copy editor at The Aspen Times. Reach him at sbeckwith@aspentimes.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the land of the bros, the bro who sends hardest is king. However, if you\u2019re a regular person who wants to know, \u201cShould I try that activity?\u201d as it relates to enjoying your vacation without a stay at the Aspen Valley Hospital, here is the Bro Scale. If you\u2019re confused as to what a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2447240","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-local-news"},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-06-24 14:36:06","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2447240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2447240"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2447240\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2447240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2447240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2447240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}