{"id":2449864,"date":"2019-10-14T22:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-10-15T04:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/news\/she-said-he-said-not-right-now-really-means-no-time-ever\/"},"modified":"2019-10-15T13:32:15","modified_gmt":"2019-10-15T19:32:15","slug":"she-said-he-said-not-right-now-really-means-no-time-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/she-said-he-said-not-right-now-really-means-no-time-ever\/","title":{"rendered":"She Said, He Said: \u2018Not right now\u2019 really means \u2018no time ever\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Dear Jeff and Lori, <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been dating a guy on and off for almost a year. I\u2019m ready for a committed relationship, but every time I bring up being exclusive, he tells me it\u2019s just not the right time. I love him and he says he cares about me. I\u2019m always the person he comes to and confides in when he\u2019s having a hard time, so I don\u2019t understand why he doesn\u2019t want to take our relationship to the next level. He keeps saying his life is too busy right now and he\u2019s always got something going on that makes it difficult for us to spend time together. How do I get him past his resistance to commitment?<\/p>\n

Signed,<\/p>\n

Tired of Waiting<\/p>\n

Dear ToW,<\/span><\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff: Waiting around and trying to change him hasn\u2019t worked for the past year. What makes you think there is anything you can do to change him now? It\u2019s obvious that you love him and have probably spent more time than you would like to admit dreaming about a future with him. We\u2019ve all been there, doodling our fantasy initials on the back of a notebook, envisioning the perfect house, dog and seaside vacations together. It\u2019s time to bring you back to reality. He\u2019s just not that into you.<\/p>\n

Lori: It saddens me when I hear about a good woman who doesn\u2019t know her worth. It\u2019s clear that you\u2019re a thoughtful, caring and giving partner. So my question is why are you putting up with his bull? Do you not believe you deserve more? You\u2019ve elevated him onto a pedestal that places him so high that you\u2019re bending over backward trying to get him to really see you. Stop with the tricks. Stop the sitting, staying and coming when called. You\u2019ve given him a year. If he still doesn\u2019t appreciate you enough to want to be with you, it\u2019s time to set yourself free for someone who will. He\u2019s not the one \u2014 not the love of your life. If he were, he would be as into you as you are him. He would get you, love you and be fantasizing about lying in beach chairs together. You deserve love but you\u2019re going to have to do some work on yourself before you can find it. It\u2019s time to shed the insecurities that are keeping you begging and connect to your true power and confidence.<\/p>\n

Jeff: There\u2019s another layer to all of this. If he hasn\u2019t committed to being with you exclusively, there\u2019s a very good chance he\u2019s not showing you all of his cards. You may be in love with the edited version of this guy, not having seen all of him \u2014 only a selective slice. It\u2019s possible that there are things he\u2019s not revealing that actually might make you think twice about taking it to the next level. People like him often keep people like you \u201con the hook,\u201d meaning that they love having you around to talk to, have sex with and get support from but when it comes to a commitment, it\u2019s always one-sided.<\/p>\n

You also may be in love with his unavailability. Sometimes not knowing everything about someone allows us to create whatever story we want about them. It\u2019s often a fairytale version of the story, helping to convince ourselves that we\u2019ve finally found the perfect mate. This synopsis keeps us hooked, desperately wanting more \u2014 a deeper connection and stronger commitment. These types of relationships don\u2019t usually end well \u2014 the less available player never commits and can become increasingly annoyed as the commitment requests intensify, or the more available player gives up and moves on. For you, another outcome might be that he eventually commits and you realize he\u2019s not the guy you thought he was.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff: If you ever hear someone say they\u2019re really into you but can\u2019t be with you \u201cright now,\u201d followed by the promise of a magical future when everything will work out for your relationship, you need to get yourself off the hook. It\u2019s time to move on and find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated \u2014 with kindness and respect.<\/p>\n

Lori and Jeff are married, licensed psychotherapists and couple-to-couple coaches at Aspen Relationship Institute. Submit your relationship questions to info@AspenRelationshipCoaching.com<\/a> and your query may be selected for a future column.<\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Jeff and Lori, I\u2019ve been dating a guy on and off for almost a year. I\u2019m ready for a committed relationship, but every time I bring up being exclusive, he tells me it\u2019s just not the right time. I love him and he says he cares about me. I\u2019m always the person he comes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2449864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-local-news"],"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-08-19 15:00:14","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2449864","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2449864"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2449864\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2449897,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2449864\/revisions\/2449897"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2449864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2449864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2449864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}