{"id":2451084,"date":"2019-11-14T07:17:00","date_gmt":"2019-11-14T14:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=315949"},"modified":"2019-11-14T07:17:00","modified_gmt":"2019-11-14T14:17:00","slug":"into-the-wrid-terverse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/into-the-wrid-terverse\/","title":{"rendered":"Into the (w)ri(d\/t)erverse"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Business man standing between climate worsened with good atmosphere<\/strong>
Getty Images\/iStockphoto | iStockphoto<\/em><\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

As members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we firmly and rigidly believe that there are an infinite number of universes. And thank God or whomever, right, because anything is better than this! But as we were discussing with other pastafarians what our parallel identities were up to, we realized it\u2019s most likely that we are the last versions of ourselves left alive. Hypothetically speaking, then, which little tweak to Ben and Sean would create the most interesting alternate reality?<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

ZAGGOT\u2019S GUIDE SEAN<\/p>\n

SB: When my pals come out for a ski vacation, I like to show them the second side of Aspen. After getting a couple of runs in on Fanny Hill \u2014 don\u2019t want to do anything too steep because no one wants an unnecessary visit to the ski fairy \u2014 I like to unwind at Woody Creek Tavern.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a locals spot that was frequented by the irreverent gonzo journalist\/writer Hunter S. Thompson. Margaritas and Mexican food, oh my is it a prime spot for locals.<\/p>\n

For my friends who don\u2019t ski, there are other outdoor activities to occupy your alpine getaway. Perhaps snowshoeing up to Pine Creek Cookhouse for a bite sounds like a delight. It\u2019s a great place to take in a view and a Rocky Mountain oyster or two.<\/p>\n

Can I interest you in ice skates and s\u2019mores? Try the rink outside Limelight if want to slide instead of ski. And for a family treat, make sure to catch the Hershey Highway to the free s\u2019more show.<\/p>\n

And you can\u2019t get much more Aspen than a horse-drawn carriage ride around the core, so bundle up in blankets and take in the array of holiday hues. The magical illumination is the kind of eye candy that will capture kids\u2019 attention \u2014 and hearts.<\/p>\n

For the culinary inclined, the Italian food at Casa Tua will have you saying \u201cPer favore\u201d and \u201cPrego\u201d in a parsec. Try Creperie du Village if you\u2019re looking for authentic alpine fare, featuring the best FUN-due you can find.<\/p>\n

So say \u201cbon voyage\u201d and meet us in the mountains.<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

Best Self Welch<\/p>\n

BW: Sunday \u2014 my favorite day of the week. I\u2019m giving the reading at the 8 a.m. service, and I enjoy screaming on the pulpit like a firebrand Sigma from \u201cOverwatch\u201d (who\u2019s basically a young Salieri in \u201cAmadeus,\u201d for you non-gamers). \u201cIf you have hate in your heart, let it out!\u201d the six-fingered pastor chants as worship comes to a close. \u201cHail!\u201d we reply in unison.<\/p>\n

We stop at Chili\u2019s for breakfast before my 4 o\u2019clock manager shift begins at Slaveway. Some may find it condescending to stack yogurt and exchange rolls of quarters for a living, but I make more money than Primary Ben so f\u2013k you.<\/p>\n

I also have a bangin\u2019 wife that I met in PUBLIC SCHOOL and three children who are my WORLD. My exorbitant wage allows me to progenate, and even though I\u2019m in my 20s I\u2019m still fertile because I\u2019ve never touched a drop in my life!<\/p>\n

The only thing lacking is my favorite baseball team winning a World Series. They\u2019re in the playoffs, but win or lose, it doesn\u2019t really affect my life as long as they\u2019re having fun. It\u2019s not like people in Washington, D.C., have any power over my day-to-day routine.<\/p>\n

Regardless, I\u2019m still completely out of debt. I still have my doggos to walk. I still have to figure out how to dispose of that translucent cricket that crawled through my shower drain and found himself under a Mason jar for three weeks. That was two truths and a lie \u2014 go! The point I\u2019m trying to make is that the success of other camels in leotards ultimately won\u2019t mow the lawn for me, hee haw.<\/p>\n

I feel the same way about voting and politics. Every little bit counts, and it\u2019s my civic duty to burden myself with the concerns of the universe and ultimately it is I who empowers everything surrounding my happiness and well-being, even if I can hardly handle that and oh god I\u2019m 12 years old and what is this?<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

GET OFF MY LAWN SEAN<\/p>\n

SB: The night is cold, and the winds are strong. This isn\u2019t anything new for a weathered Aspenite who\u2019s been driving cattle since before Highway 82 was four lanes. It\u2019s an interesting thing, technology. I like to hand write my pieces before sitting down in front of the ever-present screen.<\/p>\n

The only time I can escape from iPads and iPods and iPhones is when I\u2019m out in the field with my steed, good ol\u2019 Willy. He\u2019s a little hard to control and gets excited easily but he calms down after a few strokes.<\/p>\n

Everyone is so caught up in their phones that they miss oppotunities provided by Mother Nature. I walked up hill to and from school, I never miss a chance to take a hike in the backcountry or nap under an oak tree. An op-ed in the Liberal Times recently stated, \u201cPolluting is to nature what devices are to our brains.\u201d<\/p>\n

Getting old is darn hard, but not as hard as my hands from decades of manual labor. I remember when I had to go to town and order from the soda jerk for a glass of sarsaparilla. Now you can\u2019t find the beverage anywhere. There\u2019s Redbull, Bang, Monster and other energy drinks that have more pep than an untamed bull ready to mate.<\/p>\n

Man, am I old but I can still stand the weather. Rain turns to sleet, sleet turns to snow, snow turns to ice but still I persevere. You know what won\u2019t perservere? Cold temperatures and mountain lifestyle. If we don\u2019t use every part of the buffalo, then the buffalo goes extinct. But with this planet, there is no endangered animal preserve to nurse it back to health. We\u2019re burning the candle at both ends, and at on end of the wick is carbon pollution and at the other ISIS.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t remember where I\u2019m going with this, but then again I can\u2019t remember much these days. I think I\u2019ll watch the sunset and try to remember the time when my past self could throw bales of hay with ease. Hey, maybe that\u2019s why they call it one\u2019s \u201chay day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Estroben: World\u2019s FINEST handywoman<\/p>\n

BW: \u201cStupid and frankly sophomoric.\u201d \u201cEven for the internet, that\u2019s pretty bad.\u201d \u201cWe\u2019re not \u2018Saturday Night Live.\u2019\u201d \u201cI wouldn\u2019t want my name attached to this.\u201d<\/p>\n

(STORY REDACTED)<\/p>\n

bwelch@aspentimes.com<\/a> sbeckwith@aspentimes.com<\/a><\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Business man standing between climate worsened with good atmosphereGetty Images\/iStockphoto | iStockphoto As members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we firmly and rigidly believe that there are an infinite number of universes. And thank God or whomever, right, because anything is better than this! But as we were discussing with other pastafarians […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2451084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-local-news"],"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-08-19 06:28:16","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2451084","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2451084"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2451084\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2451084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2451084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2451084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}