{"id":2452615,"date":"2019-12-26T08:01:00","date_gmt":"2019-12-26T15:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=318226"},"modified":"2019-12-26T08:01:00","modified_gmt":"2019-12-26T15:01:00","slug":"writing-switch-when-sat-ur-day-becomes-double-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/writing-switch-when-sat-ur-day-becomes-double-day\/","title":{"rendered":"Writing Switch: When SAT-UR-DAY! becomes \u201cDouble-Day!\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
A male hotel manager is under stress in front of a computer that answers the hotel customer calls. A lot of phone calls. Funny facial expression, emotions, feelings, problems reaction, stress.<\/strong>
Getty Images\/iStockphoto | iStockphoto<\/em><\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

As the Christmas-to-New Year period is one of Aspen\u2019s busiest, it stands to reason that our readership for this edition has doubled \u2014 by our calculations that means there\u2019s like, five of you now. Welcome aboard!<\/p>\n

But instead of really sticking the landing during this peak opportunity for exposure, we mailed it in and instead describe in detail the monotony of our lives, specifically, last Saturday. Ben likes to fill his weekends with putting off all the chores that he was already putting off all week. Sean likes to fill his weekends with complaining about \u201cworking a double\u201d that he was already complaining about all week. But hey, that lobby coffee machine doesn\u2019t refill itself, and those dishes hiding in the shower don\u2019t magically get washed by a leprechaun (\u2019cause he\u2019s not allowed to use magic in People-World). As you can probably tell, to us time passes like kidney stones.<\/p>\n

<\/h5>\n

EIGHT a.m.<\/span><\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> The nice thing about being a morning front desk agent in a resort town is most people are so obsessed with getting their money\u2019s worth out of a $184 lift ticket that they\u2019re on the slopes at the crack of lifts spinning. The downside of that is after I go through the opening procedures \u00ad\u2014 water jug, coffee station, incoming folios, etc. \u2014 I have two hours to figure out 17 across, which I could not do.<\/p>\n

Battling back sleep in slacks and a button-up is something usually reserved for overly hot summer weddings, not peak season hospitality. The key is to eat enough Christmas sweets to get you through the first job, but the catch is moderation so you\u2019re not crashing\/nodding off on the drive back to Aspen.<\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> I\u2019m asleep. In fact, probably just went to bed.<\/p>\n

<\/h5>\n

ELEVEN a.m.<\/span><\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> I would say this is about the time I start watching the clock but I\u2019ve been watching the seconds tick off since I clocked in. At least now there are tasks to be done. The only upside of training a new coworker during Christmas week is showing them how to do the things you don\u2019t like.<\/p>\n

For example, I hate Amazon. The only people who know the loathing of Amazon\u2019s Christmas purge of packages more than the company\u2019s employees and UPS, Fed-Ex and USPS workers are hotel receiving departments. It\u2019s enough to log in the parcels but figuring out which anonymous packages go where is impossible. And that\u2019s why I don\u2019t mind letting the new girl do it because her guess is as good as mine.<\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> I roll over and check my phone for the first time. Two options present themselves: Snowboarding at Highlands or napping until noonish. I roll back over and try to reinsert myself in the dream I was having about zero-gravity jumping on the moon.<\/p>\n

<\/h5>\n

THREE p.m.<\/span><\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Time for job No. 2. Saturdays at The Aspen Times are usually pretty relaxed. Save for a photographer or an editor trying to get ahead (or catch up), the office is empty and stories are filed. Coworkers will pop in to use the office a ski locker, which is fine until they ask me \u201cDid you get out there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNah, I was too busy driving people to the airport and listening to the sound of children laughing to strap in and ski some laps with the bro brahs. But ask me again next week and maybe I\u2019ll hit you in the head with a tack hammer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Also of note, the office is very quiet on Saturdays, so anything you do, people hear, especially someone who sits right next to the bathrooms.<\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> I am choking on a gummy worm. Technically it is a gummy twin snake, but whatever. The twins were conjoined, and half went down my throat and the other half stayed in my mouth. I envision one of the twins just dangling down my gullet. I wonder if this is how I will die: in my boxers, slumped over the couch, face turning purple, \u201cAre you still watching \u2018Rugrats\u2019?\u201d frozen forever on my TV screen. Oh well, I\u2019ve had a g\u2026 well, I\u2019ve had a life. Wheezing, I stumble over to my computer and slam it against the floor, then crawl back into bed for the third time that day so it isn\u2019t too gruesome in a couple of weeks when they notice I\u2019m missing and come looking for me. Eventually, whatever primal regurgitation instincts I possess kick in and the twins become freed. Mildly amused to still be among the living, I was, however, at peace with the idea of not putting on pants later and fulfilling social obligations.<\/p>\n

<\/h5>\n

SEVEN p.m.<\/span><\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> I\u2019m standing in an art gallery, the only person younger than, eh, 50. I can\u2019t help but compare everybody\u2019s eyebrows. How do they become so Brillo Pad-y? Why does one scraggly, rogue hair grow halfway across your face? Should I be using conditioner on my eyebrows? Can you get crabs in your eyebrows? Does Selsun Blue kill crabs? Is this what everyone else is thinking about while they\u2019re staring at splotchy acrylic paintings and nudes made out of motorcycle chains? The artist becomes visibly distressed when I tell her I\u2019m not here on assignment. When people learn you work for a newspaper, they immediately assume you\u2019re always just walkin\u2019 around, lookin\u2019 for that scoop, ready to tell their story! Sorry, the only stories I tell are the ones I invent while giggling at my desk surrounded by soiled tissues, broken Xbox controllers and crushed beer cans.<\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> This is about the time I try to find food that\u2019s not Christmas cookies or office candy and then try to find the energy to cook it. Even chopping romaine is a chore. Maybe if a put my head in this Insta-pot it will give me sweet release in the same time it takes to cook an entire chicken.<\/p>\n

However, before I aircrisp my dome, I have to finish up the last of the paper.<\/p>\n

Midnight<\/h5>\n

SB:<\/strong> Ideally, sleeping. Probably work tweeting.<\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> For the first time in my life, my date storms out of the bar and leaves me sitting there. I\u2019m not too upset; I\u2019m more astonished that it took some 15 years to happen. Apparently, saying you don\u2019t feel bad for a chick\u2019s friend who is chasing some asshole dude all over the country is a damning opinion. Around this time I realize the \u201cfriend\u201d is probably actually her. What a plot twist.<\/p>\n

Can you imagine as a man being so attractive that you\u2019re able to manipulate and emotionally distress women for years and get away with it? I run (my) flawless (brand of) game and will still instantaneously and without hesitation get ghosted anywhere between Date 1 and Date 28 for an innocuous comment or getting caught with my shirt off and the light on (ever seen a fat guy with two belly buttons?). Then again, I look like one of those unkempt, disheveled guys walking down Colfax yelling about being blonde Jesus, so maybe the problem does in fact lie within. Nawww. Oh well, #SheGone, sending my prospects squarely back to a comfortable zero.<\/p>\n

As an aside, as we close out 2019, I\u2019d like to dedicate my half of this column to all the friends I\u2019ve lost this year. No, they\u2019re not dead, they just all hate me. I optimistically look forward to 2020 embracing the role of persona non grata.<\/p>\n

@seanbeckwith<\/a> @bwelch1990<\/a><\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A male hotel manager is under stress in front of a computer that answers the hotel customer calls. A lot of phone calls. Funny facial expression, emotions, feelings, problems reaction, stress.Getty Images\/iStockphoto | iStockphoto As the Christmas-to-New Year period is one of Aspen\u2019s busiest, it stands to reason that our readership for this edition has […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2452615","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-local-news"],"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-08-19 00:18:53","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2452615","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2452615"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2452615\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2452615"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2452615"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2452615"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}