{"id":2454196,"date":"2020-02-06T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-02-06T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=320359"},"modified":"2020-02-06T07:00:00","modified_gmt":"2020-02-06T14:00:00","slug":"writing-switch-grateful-belly-picnic-in-style-with-these-earls-of-sandwich","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/writing-switch-grateful-belly-picnic-in-style-with-these-earls-of-sandwich\/","title":{"rendered":"Writing Switch: Grateful Belly Picnic in style with these Earls of Sandwich"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Exited middle aged man in his underwear, watching the game on tv.<\/strong>
Getty Images\/iStockphoto | iStockphoto<\/em><\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

For like, a year, Ben has been trying to convince Sean to incorporate favorite breads into \u2026 well, anything. \u201cOne day I\u2019m going to call your bluff,\u201d Sean says, but since our poker night is still yet to come to fruition, Sean doesn\u2019t realize Ben is always holding the nuts (and oats). This week, from the kitchens of our respective bachelor pads, we\u2019re grippin\u2019 grain and unveiling our favorite homemade sandwiches, \u201cNaked Chef\u201d-style.<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

PBJ CRUNCH<\/span><\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Bread: If you aren\u2019t using generic white bread for any PBJ, you\u2019re doing it wrong. This is not the kind of sandwich to be fancied up using artisanal* bread with gum-ripping crust. Give me Wonder Bread or the 99 cent Kroger brand white bread. You want the peanut butter and grape jelly to shine; the bread is just a vessel for it.<\/p>\n

Filling: This is easy \u2014 creamy peanut butter and grape jelly. The crunchy part of the sandwich doesn\u2019t come from weird chopped peanuts. Chunky peanut butter is for those artisanal* places.<\/p>\n

Grape jelly is the only jelly. Preferably Welch\u2019s Grape Jelly \u2014 the popular brand, not something from Ben Welch. Don\u2019t ever buy food products from Ben. That\u2019s not fair. You can buy food products from Ben and let me know how they are.<\/p>\n

Special twist: The best thing to put on a PBJ to make it crunchy is Doritos. You may say, \u201cCheesy chips on a PBJ, that\u2019s weird.\u201d Is it? Because I guarantee anyone who has ever eaten a PBJ has at some point had a side of chips. If \u201cinnovative\u201d cooks at restaurants can do weird shit like put fries on a burger then I can push something I came up with as a child. However, unlike kitchen sink burgers, a PBJ with Doritos on it is actually delicious.<\/p>\n

*I feel like places use \u201cartisanal\u201d wrong in the same way that people use \u201cliterally\u201d wrong. Saying your special sauce that\u2019s just a 10 can of Costco ketchup mixed with mayo is artisanal is not what that means. If you\u2019re making artisanal food, it\u2019s made by hand in the traditional manner and I know you\u2019re not making special sauce from scratch, Bobby Flay.<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

TV DINNER DELIGHT<\/span><\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> Sean and everyone else still living in the stone age who doesn\u2019t own a microwave, stop reading now because you won\u2019t be able to complete this recipe.<\/p>\n

Like most people halfheartedly trying to lose weight, I often stare at my Lean Cuisine and wonder \u201chow can I add 200 calories and 40 carbohydrates to this meal?\u201d The answer is to convert it into a sandwich.<\/p>\n

The main reason to do this is because you don\u2019t want to dirty a fork, or perhaps all your forks are already dirty. You\u2019re not going to just scoop enchilada sauce into your mouth with your disgusting hands, so give yourself something to hold by plopping dinner between two girthy slices of a bread such as multigrain wide pan.<\/p>\n

Does it look weird? Yes, but it\u2019s not like you\u2019re eating TV dinners in front of people. Turkey and stuffing is already a thing \u2014 it\u2019s called a turkey sandwich when it comes in different packaging \u2014 so don\u2019t be grossed out.<\/p>\n

Salisbury steak and mac \u2019n\u2019 cheese? Load it on a sesame bun. Meatloaf and potatoes? Hoagie roll. Three-cheese ziti? Um, baguette. Country fried chicken patty, watery corn and brownie? Seven ancient wheat. You can\u2019t stump me.<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

CHEESE FRENCHIE<\/span><\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Bread: I\u2019m not sure how to make this sandwich, so I don\u2019t know the bread used. This is essentially a plea to Don and Millie\u2019s to open a franchise in Aspen. They\u2019re based in Omaha and even though they have multiple locations, it\u2019s not your traditional chain.<\/p>\n

I believe the bread is like a Texas toast? But, again, I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

Filling: It\u2019s just cheese and mayonnaise I think. Honestly, I don\u2019t even like mayo. People who love Subway treat it like chocolate syrup and it gave me a phobia. However, hear me out because it\u2019s not like you\u2019re getting some cold slab of cheese on white bread with mayo even though I know it sounds good to some of you sick f\u2014s.<\/p>\n

Special twist: This sandwich is deep-fried. I\u2019m not sure if they dip it in breading or what\u2019s up but it\u2019s a hot, gooey piece of fried goodness that goes great with a cold Coke, french fries and a side of cheese sauce, which are for the fries.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s any better but dipping a deep-fried grilled cheese in nacho cheese \u2014 which I may or may not have done before \u2014 is next level fat kid even for Omaha.<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

TWO-TIMING TUNA MELT<\/span><\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> Panini press missing the cord again? Assault the olfactory senses of your entire office with this quick and easy tuna melt.<\/p>\n

The most important step is to not be duped by a sneaky \u201ctuna fish in oil\u201d can. The contents of that shelf mix and mingle like grandma\u2019s chest of costume jewelry; read the labels carefully. Nobody likes the kid whose mom makes tuna-fish-in-oil sandwiches, so even if it\u2019s just for your progeny to save face in front of their friends, purchase the tuna fish in water.<\/p>\n

Instead of using Miracle Whip or mayonnaise to zestify your lunch, substitute ranch dressing. For this in particular, but nothing else, I recommend Sir Kensington\u2019s cucumber ranch. Next, add half a can of black beans (drained), two slices of pepper jack and a squirt of mustard. I\u2019m finally at the age where I can appreciate that not every mustard is French\u2019s, which turns your lips yellow and stains your shirts. Also, \u201cpoupon\u201d remains one of the most fun things to work into a conversation about food.<\/p>\n

Now sizzle it in the skillet, bake it in the oven or \u2014 and I hate to say it again \u2014 radiofry it in the microwave. Inhale and enjoy.<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

ARUGULA ANYTHING<\/span><\/p>\n

SB:<\/strong> Bread: Dealer\u2019s choice. Ideally something suited for savory, so no weird cinnamon raisin stuff.<\/p>\n

Filling: Your favorite deli meat, condiment and cheese.<\/p>\n

Special twist: Add arugula. I mean good lord, there are more options for greens on sandwiches than just shredded lettuce or spinach. It doesn\u2019t even necessarily need to be arugula, just give me something with flavor. Mustard greens, well-dressed and chopped kale, anything.<\/p>\n

An arugula, pesto, chicken and mozzarella sandwich is so much better than the same but substitute shredded Taco Bell lettuce. Up your greens game because it can elevate a sandwich.<\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

KNUCKLE SAMMICH<\/span><\/p>\n

BW:<\/strong> Minuscule-level bureaucracies, and I\u2019m talking even smaller than City Hall, are the worst. Nothing embodies that sentiment more than homeowner\u2019s associations and Boy Scout leaders\u2019 roundtables. I wonder if the 65-year-old men with facial hair, representing every U.S. president since whomever the fourth one was, wear their dainty uniforms to these grown-ups meetings \u2014 sew-on badges and handkerchiefs and brown, knee-high socks oozing from their outfits like stolen valor at the shopping mall food court.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the only hell more fierce than \u201cHOA board meeting\u201d is \u201cI need a rental with three carseats.\u201d If you ever hear me utter either of those phrases, kill me immediately because it\u2019s not actually Real Ben, but rather a replica like in \u201cAnimorphs.\u201d My Animorph would be a Bulbasaur.<\/p>\n

According to reports, this month, I parked too close to other vehicles and The Clash-inspired woman above me is tired of listening to Riley Reid on full blast in the middle of the night. OK boomer, like you weren\u2019t already awake ASMRing to old QVC reruns.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re just picking on me because I\u2019m the youngest person who lives in the building by like, 30 years. I don\u2019t give a shit when they want to scrape the ice off the parking lot \u2014 I\u2019m not revolving my entire ski bum life around some random five-minute window when a guy upstairs hears the Bobcat driving down the road and frantically tries to contact me. You\u2019re knocking on my door at 7 a.m. when I\u2019m with some Peruvian chick because you want me to move my car into the street? The plow\u2019s already come and he\u2019s about ready for a third lap, go do a crossword puzzle. I\u2019m operating on 45 minutes of sleep here.<\/p>\n

Just build an igloo around my Renegade, whatever. I got four-wheel drive, backup cameras, a heated steering wheel and a crippling monthly auto payment \u2014 pretty sure I can stomp the gas and bust out of 3 inches of snow if I ever decide to go anywhere before the July thaw. If you don\u2019t get it, that\u2019s because it\u2019s a Jeep thing.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s this column supposed to be about, again?<\/p>\n

Come and see Ben and Sean at the locals\u2019 comedy night at Silver City on Sunday, Feb. 9. They\u2019ll be the ones in disguises. bwelch@aspentimes.com<\/a> sbeckwith@aspentimes.com<\/a><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Exited middle aged man in his underwear, watching the game on tv.Getty Images\/iStockphoto | iStockphoto For like, a year, Ben has been trying to convince Sean to incorporate favorite breads into \u2026 well, anything. \u201cOne day I\u2019m going to call your bluff,\u201d Sean says, but since our poker night is still yet to come to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2454196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-local-news"],"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-08-18 17:06:33","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley's Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2454196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2454196"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2454196\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2454196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2454196"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2454196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}