{"id":2457325,"date":"2020-04-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-04-17T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=324402"},"modified":"2020-04-17T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2020-04-17T17:00:00","slug":"writing-switch-half-baked-flicks-fully-baked-minds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/writing-switch-half-baked-flicks-fully-baked-minds\/","title":{"rendered":"Writing Switch: Half-baked flicks, fully baked minds"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"wp-block-image p402_hide\">\n<div class=\"caption-container\"> <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"540\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/04\/GettyImages-1129453665-1024x540.jpg\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-post-image\" alt srcset=\"https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/04\/GettyImages-1129453665-1024x540.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/04\/GettyImages-1129453665-300x158.jpg 300w, https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/04\/GettyImages-1129453665-768x405.jpg 768w, https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/04\/GettyImages-1129453665-1536x810.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/04\/GettyImages-1129453665-2048x1080.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\"><\/div>\n<\/figure>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">We\u2019ve been using the quarantine opportunity to write our manuscripts and screenplays that are gonna finally get us outta this dump. It\u2019s hard to overcome the fear of failure and just sit down and pound at the keys, especially when after 20 minutes you\u2019re like \u201cWell, this sucks, nevermind.\u201d This week we pitch two topics \u2014 apocalyptic westerns and comedies about twins, for whatever reason \u2014 to directors and studios who may want to contact us for pre-pre-pre-pre-production.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><span><strong>THE BOOK OF EDDIE MONEY<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><strong>SB:<\/strong> So the elevator pitch for the next global franchise is part \u201cUnforgiven,\u201d part \u201cBook of Eli,\u201d part \u201cCalifornia Love\u201d music video with a badass history behind it a la \u201cGame of Thrones\u201d but not quite as encyclopedic.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">You\u2019ve got the prevailing groups that praise the sun and despise all non-solar technology because it led to the \u201coutbreak.\u201d They vie to control some McGuffin-esque object that justifies mass slaughter but it\u2019s vague enough that we just accept it; just like we accept that a large part of population rides horses again because we\u2019ve rekindled our love of nature.<\/p>\n<div class=\"row\">\n<div class=\"col\">\n<div class=\"row at-donation at-donation-mobile p-0\">\n<div class=\"col-xl-4 p-2\">\n<div data-bg=\"url(https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/03\/AT-logo-white.png)\" class=\"p-0 mt-2 mb-2 h-75 text-center rocket-lazyload\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/03\/AT-logo-white.png\" class=\"logo m-0 p-0 invisible\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div data-bg=\"url(https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/03\/at-banner-paypal.jpg)\" class=\"col-xl-8 p-3 text-center rocket-lazyload\">\n<h3 class=\"d-inline mr-3\">Support Local Journalism<\/h3>\n<p><button class=\"btn d-inline\" type=\"button\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/donate\/?utm_source=article&amp;utm_medium=website&amp;utm_campaign=donation&amp;utm_term=&amp;utm_content=mid-article\">Donate<\/a><\/button><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">But then there\u2019s the Edward Money\/blind Denzel character (he\u2019s not blind though) who has killed everything that\u2019s breathed on this godforsaken planet but also has the key to restoring civility and ending needless anti-technology killings. He\u2019s bitter and angry, even at one point pondering getting rid of humanity\u2019s salvation.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">But before he can throw this vital cog into the Grand Canyon, which is now overrun with the mysterious River Rats, a gang of savages started by the last people who tried to float the canyon but instead were marooned and have turned to cannibalism, EMJ gets captured.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">It\u2019s in the canyon that we meet the Gene Hackman character who is unaware that the elite guard of Sun Worshippers are seeking EMJ because they know what he possesses.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">What ensues is a bloody battle between Worshippers and Rats, affording EMJ a chance to escape and use the key to restore humanity \u2026 but will he?<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><span><strong>TUSH CAPACITY AND THE COVID KID<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><strong>BW:<\/strong> The snow had melted off Aspen Mountain, all of it by only March 16. It was a bluebird day \u2014 blue in the sense that it was the color of the enormous tarp that stretched from the Highland Bowl across Shadow Mountain. Thanks to daylight savings, the sun shone harder than ever and the greenhouse effect cooked us french dip-style, acrid sweat pooling under our Adam\u2019s apples like burly bowls of au jus. Climate change wasn\u2019t supposed to take our winters for another 100 years, the data claimed, so nobody worried too much because we\u2019d be dead by then.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">Ah, to have just 100 days, let alone years!<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">When the pituitary glands of a chupacabra weren\u2019t thoroughly cooked during a banquet at the Hotel WhenInRome, a little bacteria leapt off a dinner plate like Plankton from \u201cSpongebob Squarepants\u201d and infected the denizens of our hamlet. It spread quickly, and drinking water from fish tanks and the pedestrian mall fountains proved not to be the solution.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">If you\u2019re reading this in the annals of history, you already know Aspen was ground zero for the Perspirous Virus Crisis. It was a strain of infection so potent not even chugging pints of magical CBD oil could cure it!<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">Only a few people screeching on Facebook were concerned about the spread at first, while the rest of us kept hooking up with random Australian tourists and testing the limits of the First Amendment by yelling \u201cPerspirous Virus!\u201d in crowded theaters.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">But we should have listened. We should have stocked up on Lysol wipes, cans of anchovies and toilet paper. Thankfully, nobody had thought to scavenge the phonebooks and coffee filters yet \u2026 well, it appeared one prior customer had: The Covid Kid.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">The world\u2019s greatest brains \u2014 Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Skippy Mesirow \u2014 had been holed up at The Aspen Institute, trying to develop an inoculation before Independence Pass was scheduled to open. And this time, we as a constituency were finally grateful enough.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">But one percolating mind remained untapped, like a leftover keg from a small party that was unceremoniously raided during martial law months ago. And so The Covid Kid dons steampunk goggles leftover from Halloween, applies a mask \u2014 inhaling his own carbon monoxide and ham sandwich breath \u2014 and braves the snarling hordes outside to deliver a vaccine nobody had yet considered: a hydroxychloroquine enema. But where will he hide it?<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><span><strong>TWINS PART DEUX<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><strong>SB:<\/strong> When someone pitches you an idea that already exists like Pete Campbell coming to the conclusion that marketing to all ethnicities is smart, do you grant that validation? Or do you inform them that \u201cTwins\u201d has already been made and it wasn\u2019t that great to begin with?<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">But, to ask if I want to reboot a classic piece of American cinema featuring Danny DeVito and the Governator is like asking me if I\u2019d like to take a shot at remaking \u201cRoad House.\u201d Of course I do.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">So here\u2019s the setup, replace DeVito with Kevin Hart and Schwarzenegger with The Rock. It\u2019s a pretty simple plug-and-play formula that\u2019s earned hundreds of thousands of middling reviews.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">Honestly, I can\u2019t even remember what happened in the actual \u201cTwins.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">How about a prequel to \u201cRoad House\u201d? A youngish Sam Elliott played by Nick Offerman and an extremely young P Swayz played by Tom Holland.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">We\u2019ll get to see what happened a couple stops before the Double Deuce when Dalton was freewheeling and throat snatching. Shit, maybe even throw in a side villain origin story for Brad Wesley with Charlie Kelly showing us how he brought the J.C. Penney to Jasper.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">Basically, this is like \u201cLethal Weapon 5\u201d \u2014 from \u201cIt\u2019s Always Sunny\u201d\u2014 but with a slightly higher level of production and no penetration.<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><span><strong>TWO MEN, HALF THE PLANET<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><strong>BW:<\/strong> In a world where everyone looks the same, nobody can tell the difference between you and the proverbial Adam. *boinggg!*<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">And when everyone looks the same, how will justice be served? *bullet ricochet*<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">From the creators of \u201cThe Inlaws at Josey, Wales\u201d and \u201cThree Car Seats Outside Rockford, Illinois\u201d comes \u201cTWINNING,\u201d starring Jack Black and Charlie Sheen!<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">\u201cHow does the defense plea?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">\u201cNot guilty by reason of plausible deniability, your honor.\u201d *gavel pounding*<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">To bear false witness is a sin, but when everyone looks like either Jack Black or Charlie Sheen, for example, who\u2019s to say which witnesses are false?<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">\u201c911, what\u2019s your emergency?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">\u201cThis is Chronic Halitosis, someone stole all our weed!\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">\u201cWas it a Jack Black or a Charlie Sheen?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\">\u201cOne of each!\u201d *egg cracking*<\/p>\n<p class=\"Special Sections-ATW-ATW_Body_Serif\"><span><em><a href=\"mailto:sbeckwith@aspentimes.com\">sbeckwith@aspentimes.com<\/a> <a href=\"mailto:bwelch@aspentimes.com\">bwelch@aspentimes.com<\/a><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/opinion\/writing-switch-half-baked-movies-fully-baked-minds\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We\u2019ve been using the quarantine opportunity to write our manuscripts and screenplays that are gonna finally get us outta this dump. It\u2019s hard to overcome the fear of failure and just sit down and pound at the keys, especially when after 20 minutes you\u2019re like \u201cWell, this sucks, nevermind.\u201d This week we pitch two topics [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2457325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-local-news"],"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-08-18 03:28:16","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley&#039;s Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2457325","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2457325"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2457325\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2457325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2457325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2457325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}