{"id":2458191,"date":"2020-05-07T23:15:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-08T05:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/?p=325455"},"modified":"2020-05-07T23:15:00","modified_gmt":"2020-05-08T05:15:00","slug":"marolt-the-buzzing-around-my-ears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/local-news\/marolt-the-buzzing-around-my-ears\/","title":{"rendered":"Marolt: The buzzing around my ears"},"content":{"rendered":"<figure class=\"wp-block-image p402_hide\">\n<div class=\"caption-container\">\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"511\" height=\"620\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2019\/04\/marolt-atd-041219.jpg\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-post-image\" alt srcset=\"https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2019\/04\/marolt-atd-041219.jpg 511w, https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2019\/04\/marolt-atd-041219-247x300.jpg 247w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 511px) 100vw, 511px\"><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText DropCap\">Before we get too deep into this debate about whether to keep on hunkering down in isolation or charge ahead to try getting the economy humming again in this year of the virus, I think it is of paramount importance for everyone to admit we don\u2019t know crap. This is important because it\u2019s true, believe it or not.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">I give weight to scientists\u2019 opinions in this matter, but also believe we should not ignore those who have no data behind them except how much their checking accounts are overdrawn and how far they are behind on rent. The fluidity of change now is so extreme that any one of us might find ourselves treading water in the eddy on the other side of the river at any moment. You may have a job now, but you might not get paid next week. Seventy thousand virus-related fatalities may seem tolerable, until someone you know dies.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">The way I see it, we are either all right or all wrong. The ones who predict everything correctly throughout this pandemic are lucky or, more likely, liars. Good morning Mr. President, have a cup of coffee. In any event, the common ground is long and wide, drought-stricken here and flooded there with abnormally high pollen counts and murdering hornets between.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">I would show you how incompetent I am with even the smallest components of this pandemic, but am embarrassed to take my hat off. I couldn\u2019t manage to get a decent coronavirus at-home haircut. They say if you look like hell then you feel like hell. I would add, if you had to go out into public like this, you would be living in hell, too.<\/p>\n<div class=\"row\">\n<div class=\"col\" readability=\"6\">\n<div class=\"row at-donation at-donation-mobile p-0\" readability=\"7\">\n<div class=\"col-xl-4 p-2\">\n<div data-bg=\"url(https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/03\/AT-logo-white.png)\" class=\"p-0 mt-2 mb-2 h-75 text-center rocket-lazyload\">\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.aspentimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2020\/03\/AT-logo-white.png\" class=\"logo m-0 p-0 invisible\"><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><h3 class=\"d-inline mr-3\">Support Local Journalism<\/h3>\n<p><button class=\"btn d-inline\" type=\"button\" onclick=\"handleDonationButtonClickMidArticle()\">Donate<\/button><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">It started off innocently enough. I read about self-inflicted haircuts. Apparently it is a bad idea hatched in isolation that sounds like a good one at first. I pulled the old hair buzzer out from under the bathroom sink. I plugged it in and it worked. I mistook this for a lucky break.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">My son had been talking about needing a trim and I realized I was looking scraggly, too. To get the experiment underway, I told him he should go first. \u201cJust like old times,\u201d I remarked, harkening back to when he was about 5 and I did his hair \u201cNavy style\u201d all the time.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">The old seven-blade worked like a charm, until the last hair was left standing at attention on his head in complete uniformity with all the others. Then a spring sprang and the thing fell apart. Acting a little too dejected over my lost opportunity for a haircut, my wife got online and had Walmart add a new buzzer to our order of household staples that we would pick up the next day, faces hidden beneath bandanas like a couple of bandits.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">I psyched myself up on the drive home only to find that the person putting our order together didn\u2019t know hair buzzers from beard trimmers. This was going to be like harvesting alfalfa with a push mower, but I\u2019d set my heart on a haircut and that is what I was going to get.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">I anticipated the mess, so I set things up in the backyard. I have heard human hair in the garden keeps deer from digging up the bulbs. \u201cAre you sure about this?\u201d my son asked, unable to stifle his guffawing. \u201cHit it!\u201d I exclaimed.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">The beard trimmer worked like a charm on my head. And, my first advice is to never try cutting your hair with a charm. You have a 50% chance of it being the bad luck variety.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">A beard trimmer cuts in narrow swaths, it doesn\u2019t have enough power to get through bangs, and its guide continually gets gobbed up with clippings. After about 20 minutes of nonstop ripping and shredding I asked my son for a timeout to assess his progress with a mirror. Good lord! The top of my head looked like an apple orchard after a hail storm!<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">We took a minute to strategize about what to do next. The only thing we came up with was to go a little shorter to clean things up. We repeated this same process exactly four more times. Two hours elapsed. My neck started cramping. Appropriately, perhaps, my hairdo came out \u201ctoo close for comfort.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText\">In a few months my hair will most likely be back to something close to normal, as will the planet by this time next year. Either way, don\u2019t ask my opinion about whether we should jump or crawl out of this quarantine foxhole. I can\u2019t even manage personal grooming.<\/p>\n<p class=\"STND-STND BodyText Tagline\">Roger Marolt, thankfully, feels much better than he looks. Email at <a href=\"mailto:roger@maroltllp.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">roger@maroltllp.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.aspentimes.com\/opinion\/marolt-the-buzzing-around-my-ears\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">via:: The Aspen Times<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Before we get too deep into this debate about whether to keep on hunkering down in isolation or charge ahead to try getting the economy humming again in this year of the virus, I think it is of paramount importance for everyone to admit we don\u2019t know crap. This is important because it\u2019s true, believe [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2458191","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-local-news"],"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-08-17 18:22:01","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"KSPN The Valley&#039;s Quality Rock","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2458191","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2458191"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2458191\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2458191"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2458191"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alwaysmountaintime.com\/kspn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2458191"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}