Doritos has a new flavor: Doritos® Flamin’ Hot® Nacho. Instead of rolling the new chip out in a reasonable manner, a marketing team decided to play millennial musical Mad Libs to the tune of (presumably) millions of dollars. The result is Chance the Rapper remixing The Backstreet Boys’ classic “I Want It That Way” into a dreadful piece of advertising disguised as a sickly sweet nostalgia cocktail for the Rap Caviar set.
Imagining the target demographic of this monstrosity is a baffling exercise. The only connective tissue between “I Want It That Way” and Chance the Rapper is that the former released on April 12th, 1999, and the latter was born on April 16th, 1993, which means that both the hit song and the hatted musician are technically Aries. Besides that, it isn’t clear who in the world thinks Chance rapping “Hot stuff all over my nachos/Walkin’ like a taco/Driving over potholes/Hotter than a pot roast” is a worthwhile thing to put into the world, even if the end goal is as modest as selling some spicy chips.
Don’t confuse this harsh critique of capitalist shenanigans as a sweeping condemnation of either the Backstreet Boys or Chancelor Bennett. “I Want It That Way” is among the greatest songs ever recorded; Chance gave us Acid Rap. I’m not here to begrudge the artists involved for chasing after that sweet, sweet corporate coin to ensure the prosperity of their offspring, especially as the Republic burns. That doesn’t change the fact that Doritos ruined a very special part of my childhood by letting Chance the Rapper freestyle nonsense in front of the Soul Plane… plane. At least Chance had the choreography down, I guess.