It’s summertime in Aspen, which means the living is easy and keeping up with current events is even less appealing than usual. Take the Summer 2019 Aspen True-or-False quiz to see just how closely you’ve been following the news:
1. Vice President Mike Pence used a back alley to sneak into a gay-owned club in Aspen last week.
TRUE.
2. Highway 82 between Aspen and Basalt will be closed to all traffic for six months beginning Aug. 15 to make way for the construction of a dedicated e-bike lane.
FALSE. E-bike usage remains limited to sidewalks, road- and mountain-bike trails, and pedestrian malls for the foreseeable future.
3. Developers of the Lift One project on the west side of Aspen Mountain scrapped the project because despite winning approval at the ballot box, they ultimately decided a 26-vote margin of victory wasn’t robust enough to morally justify a 300,000-square-foot development.
LOL.
4. Former Colorado governor and current presidential candidate John Hickenlooper is expected to announce he’s dropping out of the White House race to accept the Aspen School District superintendent job.
FALSE. The school board is holding that spot for Colorado Senator Michael Bennet for when he drops out of the presidential contest. Hickenlooper actually applied for the position of interim principal at Aspen Middle School, even if recent polls show him trailing a few percentage points behind John Maloy and Steve Barwick.
5. Earlier this month, recently elected Aspen City Councilman Skippy Meisrow pledged to hotel developer John Sarpa in an Instagram post where they’re pictured standing breast-to-breast to try “not to let (him) down.”
TRUE.
6. The city of Aspen is mulling a development of tree houses to bridge the seasonal housing shortage.
FALSE. Although with the $40 they’ve made in a year on the $20,000 bike lockers, the city is considering converting the empty brown metal boxes into sleep pods.
7. If you don’t Instagram/Facebook/Tweet a selfie from Smuggler, you were never really there.
TRUE. Also, if you fail to refer to the Maroon Bells as the most photographed peaks in North America, its deed of trust will be signed over to Vail.
8. Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days” blasted out of portable speakers as Lance Armstrong and George Hincapie raced down West Hopkins Avenue on Sunday, which also was the final day of the Tour de France.
FALSE. No music was played during the contest.
9. Deeply moved by the letters in the local papers from Aspen Elementary School fourth graders, dynamic duo Andy and Nikos Hecht quietly reversed their decision to terminate Paradise Bakery’s lease in 2021, deciding instead to extend the cookie institution’s lease in perpetuity as a thank you to the Patterson family for 38 years of selfless giving to the community.
FALSE. No, Aspen’s most prominent developers were unmoved by the quiet pleas of the small children, explaining to them that unlike Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, capitalism is not a fairy tale.
10. Aspen people are pooping pot, apparently, and pooches are partaking.
TRUE. And, pee-ew.
11. If you visit Aspen during the same two weeks each year, you are required per the city charter to introduce yourself as a part-time resident.
TRUE.
12. Boston Celtics owners Paul and Sandy Edgerley are under contract to sell their Hyman Ave. penthouse to the City of Aspen for $37.5 million.
FALSE. Nonetheless, the city is eyeing a bridge in Brooklyn for its next shrewd real estate acquisition.
13. A new survey found 100% of the customers who patronize those two skin-care boutiques on the Hyman Avenue Mall are always completely satisfied with not only their purchases, but the entire shopping experience, too.
LOL.
14. The traffic in and out of town is totally worse this summer than ever before.
TRUE. Blame the Epic Pass holders.
15. Wednesday’s Wine Crush attendees may be dismayed to discover they won’t be drinking, but rather stomping on grapes instead. Because performance art.
FALSE. They will, however, be stomping on whatever your plans are for Wednesday.
Follow Meredith Carroll on Twitter @MCCarroll. More at MeredithCarroll.com.